NEED A VACATION?

It’s part of the bitter reality elders smack us over the skulls with as our naive, youthful bodies begin to approach adulthood. Excessive ice cream consumption, the very activity that was once seen as a reward for high marks or a glorious treat when Dad’s off work, actually leads to cavities, diabetes, obesity, and …

sick-nasty vacations to the Cape?

Late last month, the local dairy giant whose frozen treats I so hastily devoured (leaving only blissful regret and a level-eight tummy ache) announced a summer contest

that will be awarding five lucky New-England winners a weekend getaway for two.

When the destination is holy, the journey must be one for only the bravest of heart, soul, and stomach; for the hero willing to brazenly risk her life and maybe even the lives of some innocent nobodies in order to reach the pinnacle of success.

That doesn’t really hold much ground in this case, though. Luckily, for all the laze-o’s bummin’ around in the sun wind and rain, Hood Ice Cream will be giving out samples of its new New England Creamery flavors in select grocery stores, beginning last month and running through August.

The task at hand is elementary, my dear moochers: just be spotted by a Hood representative holding a container of Hood ice cream near the Hood sampling tables in the freezer aisle.

Now, I’m not saying you plausibly could systematically devise a way to divide your time, holding a container of ice cream for approximately two hours (or so) in most-to-all grocery stores within a 50-mile radius.

But really, you could, if you don’t have a job or life or sense of integrity or the ability to contract frost bite.

If you do have these things, congratulations, you are “normal.” But, when you do go pick up a container of Down East Double Fudge Brownie, Mt. Washington Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup, Colonial Chocolate Almond, or any other New England Creamery flavor, you could be spotted, paparazzi-style, and instantly win a trip to Portland, ME, Burlington, VT, Newport, RI, Mt. Washington, NH, or Cape Cod.

Not being a native New Englander myself, I must admit I’ve only ventured to the Cape … once. But not for lack of enticement. But a free weekend getaway to any of these places sounds like a pretty sweet time, especially when you’ve got six containers of ice cream (and beer, most likely) coolin’ in the trunk.