ADAM LODOLCE: BEING ALONE SUCKS

Adam LoDolce has been helping Bostonians get laid for about three years. He left his boring corporate job to become a motivational speaker and author who tours the country giving talks and offering dating advice. Additionally, he is pretty much a B.A. stud-muffin at large on his Harley Davidson V-Rod. His latest book, Being Alone Sucks! (May 2011), exemplifies his idea of Ultimate Social Freedom, or the power to go up to any biddy and get her number with confidence.

Why does being alone suck?
When I went to college it was a really tough scene. I was like, “Once I get out of college, everything’s gonna change. I’m going to go out and make a ton of money, have the sweetest car, and just be that guy who all the girls love.” And then I got out of college and got this really great consulting job. I was making a ton of money and got the really sweet apartment, car, and all that stuff. But nothing changed. I still had issues meeting women. I found that the dating scene is something that people really struggle with. And I’m not saying being single sucks. The point of this is that you have options. You want to feel like at any given time you can just go up and talk to someone. If I see someone I like, I just want to go over and have a casual conversation. That for me was a breakthrough time in my life, realizing, “Hey, I can just go up to any person I want at any time – I don’t care.” And for me that changed so much during that time period.

Fave icebreaker?
I am all about the high fives. Everyone laughs at a high five, if you’re 10 years old or 90 years old.

That’s where I find that I’ll go from having a serious meeting with someone to a more playful tone.

Do you think you’re like the male version of Sex and the City?
[Laughs] Uh, sort of. I’ll say yes.

Does Charlie Sheen have too much social freedom?
Absolutely. He is outgoing and really arrogant. If you have a high amount of social freedom without a high self-image or self-esteem, then you’re just that guy who’s Charlie Sheen who has a hole inside of him who’s just this total jerk.

What was your best dating experience with a girl?
I was at a Bruins game once and it was just a completely random night. I was just with a bunch of guys from work before I started doing what I’m doing now. We were just hanging out-–no expectations of meeting any women. There was this girl that was just insanely wild at the game. You could tell she was just really, really getting into it. She was with a huge group of guys–-a very intimidating number of guys. I said that I had to meet this girl. So I went up to her and was just like: “You are just the most obnoxious person here. You really need to tone it down.” I gave it a very sarcastic tonality. And just immediately we clicked. She’ll always be Bruins girl to me. I started going out with her for awhile. It was just a really funny experience because it’s just so intimidating to be talking to a girl around a huge group of guys at a game.

And your worst?
I had never done online dating ever until recently in the past year. I started going on a lot of online dates and there was this one girl I went out with, and we met in Allston. I was sitting out front, just waiting, and I got a call and she was like, “Oh, we’ll be there in a minute.” And I’m like, ‘Who is we?’ So she shows up with her new roommate and this guy who is also on an online date, and the guy was such a chump. We were sitting there and he was so uncomfortable and being kind of rude to the group and killing the vibe the entire time. And everyone felt so awkward. So literally–-this is so horrible-–after about half an hour I just excused myself from the table and just walked out. I didn’t like the girl either and was just like, “Listen, something came up,” and just walked out of there.

That was a horrific experience. So you’ve got to be careful with online dating, that’s for sure.

How did you get that piercing?
I quit my job about a year ago and kind of just told my boss to fuck off. I immediately pierced my ear and dyed my hair black because I wanted to do something edgy. My hair black was atrocious, so I learned not to do that anymore. But I learned to go from being a corporate dude to not ever going back to that type of lifestyle, and I’ve kept my piercing ever since.

Best pick-up line?
In the summer a really quick one is “Excuse me, I have a very serious question…” (I start everything with I have a serious question.) “Do you know where I can get some delicious hot chocolate right now?” And they’re like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ and laugh. So that would be a fun, quick one-liner.

So, what’s your sign?
Gemini. I definitely fit the Gemini sign for sure. I find a way to not fit the social norm in pretty much everything I do in my life and I started a business that is specifically helping people get out of the social norm.

Then the guru offered some insight on a few dating scenarios.

My best friend always goes for bad boys, and I can’t understand why. She is attracted to grungy, tattooed, pierced guys who I would never even consider dating. Why do so many girls like bad boys?
Bad boys are a challenge. They’re unique. If you’re talking about a guy who’s got piercings and tattoos, he’s got a really strong identity. He is far more challenging than that the guy who’s just wearing the regular polo shirt and khaki pants. Everyone wants  a challenge-–everyone wants what they can’t have. You want to look like a challenge without actually being a jerk. The guys that are really super-challenging dudes just end up being jerks.

I had a pretty sweet summer fling last year but it didn’t end up working out with the girl because we don’t live anywhere near each other. Do you think that long-distance relationships ever work?
I’m a strong believer in meeting the right person at the right time. Why limit yourself? There are plenty of people out there.

Long-distance relationships definitely do not work in general.

According to my friends, I’m living in a Taylor Swift fantasy-world waiting for “The One” to come along. I don’t think that I’m shallow; I’m just looking for a particular type of clean-cut guy who holds the door once in awhile and pays for stuff. Are my expectations too high?
All women have their lists of the things they want in a man, and men don’t do that as often as women do. I believe very, very strongly that people hold to standards. I think that where women fall short is when they have these types of standards that limit the types of guys that are actually best for them. I think guys can still hold the door, but I know when I go out for dinner or a date with a girl, we’re splitting most of the time.

Seriously. I’m living in the 21st century 100 percent. Why should a man have to pay?

I don’t think that’s chivalry, I think that it’s a superficial thing to try to impress a woman. I try to focus on making a woman feel special–-I don’t pay to impress.

At parties and when meeting new guys, I’ve had trouble distinguishing between ones who want some sort of a relationship or those who just want a casual hook-up. Is it normal to want a strictly hooking-up, no-strings-attached relationship?
Absolutely. Nowadays we live in a hook-up cultural. Especially with younger generations. I think people now are just saying let’s just keep it more casual. A lot of guys assume that girls want a hardcore relationship. All you have to do is set expectations when you first meet someone. I think people can have very healthy, casual relationships. It can almost be as healthy as a truly committed relationship.

Sort of like a friends with benefits kind of a deal?
Totally.

Find out more about Adam LoDolce and Ultimate Social Freedom at UltimateSocialFreedom.com