LULZ 

BEAN COUNTER: VOLUME 13, ISSUE 44

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A Boston couple were forced to call the police last week after getting lost in a Stow apple orchard. Officials reiterated that people should immediately call 911 the moment they even think apple picking “might make for a fun afternoon.” MINUS 1

Comedian Sandra Bernhard addressed the Occupy Boston protesters in Dewey Square Monday evening. Though she expressed solidarity with the movement, city officials secretly hoped an impromptu performance from her one-woman show might disperese the occupiers. PLUS 1

To test wear and tear on protective military clothing, the robotics experts at Boston Dynamics have created a fully-mobile, headless humanoid robot. Cause it’d be unnerving if the soulless kill-machine with the power of life and death in its steel hands had, like, a face or something. PLUS 1 KILL-MACHINE

The unexpected snowstorm over the weekend forced state officials to cancel trick-or-treating for most of Western Massachusetts. The cancellation applied to everyone … except that one kid who always dresses as Santa for Halloween. You finally earned it, lame-o. MINUS 1

Two Rhode Island con artists have been accused of trying to pass off construction paper in Massachusetts which they claimed was dyed money. The men were busted attempting to use the technicolor bills to finance a row of slum housing and stylistically inappropriate red hotel on Kentucky Avenue. MINUS 2

The Jack Kevorkian estate is in a dispute with a Boston museum over auctioning several of “Dr. Death’s” paintings, including one made from … a pint of his own blood. So, why’d he lose that assisted-suicide case again? EVEN

Bob Langer, an MIT scientist, has created a “vibrating gel” with the potential to replicate the movement of human vocal chords, offering potential replacement for damaged ones. Langer is one of a select few who can hear the words “vibrating gel” and think “medically important, totally non-sexual voice therapy.” PLUS 10

THIS WEEK’S TOTAL: PLUS 8

LAST WEEK’S TOTAL: PLUS 3

About DIG STAFF

DIG STAFF IS WHAT WE SAY WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE THE CREDIT FOR IT.
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