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BEAN COUNTER: VOLUME 14, ISSUE 1

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Boston’s first born babies for 2012—twins—were brought into the world at 12:10 a.m. this past Sunday at Brigham’s and Women’s hospital. Despite the celebration, post-natal caretakers are still closely monitoring the duo for signs of “twin evil.” PLUS 2

The Massachusetts Supreme Court has ruled in favor of the Cape Wind project after months of opposing claims that the development was unconstitutional. This ruling paves the way for both clean local energy and lame forced-perspective photos of tourists with turbines on their noggins. PLUS 1

This New Year’s Day, hundreds participated in the L Street Brownies annual Polar Bear Plunge in the icy waters off Boston Harbor. Yeah, who’s dumb now, Mayans? Yeah, still you. EVEN

The Suffolk Country District Attorney has subpoenaed Twitter—looking for information on accounts involved with Occupy Boston. A Twitter spokesman is reportedly in talks with the D.A., explaining that “that cute bluebird” isn’t real and, as such, can’t appear in court. MINUS 3

12 MIT undergrads have created a vending machine which dispenses bicycle helmets. The machine has a potential application next to Boston Hubway racks, and helps move the non-food vending machine market away from the hurtful “used Japanese panties” stereotype. PLUS 1

An off-duty state trooper accidentally shot and wounded a 66 year-old woman while hunting in southeast Massachusetts on Sunday. On the bright side, the trooper’s joke about 66 year-old women not being in season frickin’ killed. MINUS 2

THIS WEEK’S TOTAL: MINUS 1

LAST WEEK’S TOTAL: PLUS 2

About SEAN CLANCY

"Time's glory is to calm contending kings, To unmask falsehood, and bring truth to light." - Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece" "I gyve unto my wief my second best bed with the furniture." - Shakespeare, "Last Will and Testament."
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One Response to BEAN COUNTER: VOLUME 14, ISSUE 1

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