According to an article published on websites such as Mashable, AppAdvice and CBS New York, an “octogenarian” is suing Apple for basically being too modern.

The 83-year-old woman, Evelyn Paswall, is suing Apple for a whopping $1 million dollars after she broke her nose walking into their near-invisible glass doors at their Manhasset, NY store. (The very North Shore town on Long Island, known for its “Miracle Mile” of ritzy shopping sites and its just-as-ritzy residents, that J.Lo has been spotted spending an obscene amount of money at, may I add.)

At first I was morally hesitant to make jabs at this woman, since she is an octogenarian (a word which I may or may not have had to Google to ascertain the definition). (Also: Why do these various websites feel the need to use this word? It makes it sound like this elderly individual is some kind of private-parts doctor, or has a disability that causes her to grow eight of something.)

It’s times like this that I ask myself, W.W.S.D.? (What Would Steve Do?)

Hopefully, he would laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and the amount of money this woman is trying to get, although that would have been like the price of a coffee to him.

However, Apple is now taking steps to ensure that incidents of this sort will not happen again. They have begun implementing “safety stickers” on the glass exterior of some stores to alert customers that--wait--there’s actually some kind of wall separating the outside world from the billion dollars worth of products in the retail location. And here I had been thinking that Apple was all innovative and rebellious for having iStands, just like kids selling 50-cent lemonades on the sidewalk.

According to CBS New York, Paswall is claiming that Apple’s doors “pose a risk to the elderly.” Although this could be understandably true, it wouldn’t seem like humans ages 65-the beyond would really be Apple’s target customers.

I don’t walk into a neon-light-infested diner at 4pm expecting exceptional service and tuna tartare with spicy wasabi vinaigrette on the menu.

Apple may be known and loved for their seemingly user-friendly devices, but my 57-year-old father bought an iPhone almost a month ago and still doesn’t understand the concepts of picture messages, FaceTime, and checking email on your phone.

What I would like to know is if this woman was browsing the Apple store by herself. For some reason, not to make any hasty or fallacious judgments about the elderly, I can’t imagine that she was. So, who’s the idiot son, daughter, or grandchild she was with who watched her walk into the glass doors?

What happened to holding the door open for a nice, old lady?

Perhaps we should blame the demise of chivalry, not Apple’s Jetson-family motif, for this woman’s collision.


No A. Put the A in, and you die.


  1. Elissa Elissa says:

    HA! This is too funny! This happened to a customer at the Talbots on Boylston Street a few weeks ago, the woman was screaming about suing the store and refused to leave, they eventually had to call the cops on her.


    All that Angry Birds had a catch after all: now people no longer know what windows are, and will smack into them accordingly.