IN THE TUBES: ROCK-AFIRE EXPLOSION

“I wanna make love in this club, in this club….” Whaaaa?

My first retched visit to the infamous Chuck E. Cheese’s was in fact last Spring, just a few months ago, for a family friend’s birthday party. The pizza was lightyears lower quality than Domino’s, the games were elementary and mundane, and even the wallpaper, let alone that horrid plastic-ball pit thing, reeked of diaper doo. It was almost some sort of semi-adult Hade--

What? That shiz is for kids?

Well, that explains a lot. Anyways, growing up, instead of Chuck E. Cheese’s my super chillax par-tay zone was United Skates of America, a purposefully faux-retro version of the former, except with an added roller rink. Sick. But what we gained in glorious 7-year-old-on-wheels danger we lacked in robotic hick bears.

Apparently the various animal members of the badass Rock-afire Explosion never quite made it to Chuck E. Cheese’s; the furthest they got were residencies at locations of its defunct predecessor, Showbiz Pizza Place. (Chuck E. Cheese soon replaced the original members such as Billy Bob Brockali, Looney Bird, and Mitzi Mozzarella with its own animatronics i.e. Helen Henny on vocals, Jasper T. Jowls on vocals and guitar, and the big cheese himself on vocals.) Either way, there’s no looking at/ thinking about these characters without being reminded of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll Chuck E. Cheese’s and childhood.

And what says angelic juvenility more than Usher’s “Love In This Club?”

Upon viewing this video I thought the shear thought of these rockabilly bears (who, by the way, got their own documentary, now apparently available on Netflix) covering an R & B song about…banging in a nightclub? But where??…was funny enough; then I discovered-- there’s more!

Yeah don't worry that's not fucking nightmare worthy.

Apparently in 2008 Aaron Fechter--the inventor who created and manufactured The Rock-afire Explosion show just wouldn’t quit reintroduced the robotic group as a cover band for more current, Top 40-esque tracks. I can only assume the plethora of YouTube videos (uploaded under the name “therockafire” with Fechter’s bio and contact info attached) featuring the characters gettin’ low to such hits as the Black Eyed Pea’s “I Got a Feeling,” Huey’s “Pop Lock and Drop It,“ and Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” are recordings of the reintroduced group’s live performances.

Personal fav: a tribute to Davy Jones and the Monkees: