How many times have you heard a heterosexual woman say “I’m just too much for most weak willed men?” Lord knows I’ve said it. It can provide a level of comfort amidst a complex and confusing single dating world. It may be a symptom of extroverted hetero-women, but since I am one, this is the lens from which I will write this week.

Last year, the internet phenomenon ‘Shit Girls Say’ took over everyone’s lunch breaks at work and flooded Facebook walls and Twitter feeds. Besides the annoying backlash of copycat videos that were inevitably to follow, I always remember one parody of the original that stuck with me for good reason: ‘shit single girls say.’ Have I said things like ‘I’m just too picky,’ or ‘I’m too intimidating for most men?’ Too many times to count.

Because I have a sense of humor, I can laugh at the gross misrepresentation of a single, hetero, white girl who has an affinity for toy dogs and belly shirts revealing chest hair. But what is the underlying issue here?

Even though we live in a more progressive era with independent and high powered women, do hetero men still crave the docile, sweet, stay-in-the-kitchen fertile wombed women with no opinions? 

I recently spoke with one of my best friends ,who, in my opinion, is one hot ticket. She’s a Brooklyn dwelling, master degree holding, career building, opinionated powerhouse who also happens to be insanely gorgeous and hilarious. Oh, and she’s single. She provided me with a simile about food to explain why she can’t find a decent boyfriend or long term partner:

“You know how sometimes you’re eating pasta, and you’re like, ‘Hey! This tastes good with some parmesan cheese. I bet it would taste even BETTER with MORE parmesan cheese!’ And then you add four tablespoons of parmesan cheese and then it just tastes like gross, mushy, cheesy overload? Yeah, so I think dating me is like too much parmesan.”

What’s wrong with a little extra parmesan? Granted, when I was child, my parents frequently caught me standing in front of an open fridge door eating spoonfuls of it, but who’s keeping track? There seems to be a common trend here: incredible women who are not single by choice, but because men seem to wither and retreat when faced with simultaneous confidence in her knowledge of how the Iran-Contra scandal of Reagan’s presidency affected executive power as we know it and, you know, fart jokes. I’m so sorry, insecure manboy, that I can drink more beers than you and don’t need your help lifting heavy things.

I’ll be sure to bake you a cake in a useless, lacy apron and smile and nod when you use incorrect grammar. A lady always smiles!

But seriously, though. Is this a more deeply rooted and sexist epidemic than people talk about anymore? Are men and women afraid to state the elephant in the room: single, female, independent twenty-somethings are rendering hetero men less necessary for happiness and these same men are subconsciously grasping for Laura Bush while trying to forget Hillary Clinton? Or are my friends and women like them just unlucky?

There’s good news. For every insecure manboy who has lost his way post Greek life and is convinced his reclamation of masculinity resides in dating a cute blonde who lists ‘shopping and going to the beach’ as her favorite activities on social networking sites, there is an alternative. Once in awhile, a rare hetero man-gem comes along who can laugh at your jokes, finish your crosswords, keep up with your fast paced life, and be the little spoon without hesitation. If you’re single and you’re currently saying to yourself ‘NO WAY. Lies! Those kinds of dudes DO NOT exist,’ take a deep breath and stop yelling at me. After you take said deep breath, ask yourself this: how productive is the continuance of dating manboys to pass the time due to your disbelief of a good man actually existing?Would you be happier sharing a meal with a friend, focusing on getting ahead in your career (or, getting a job), or rescuing a puppy?

If I had to choose between manboy or puppy, I’d choose puppy every time. The puppy can’t lie, drink all of your beer, and definitely won’t be a vegetarian.


A Boston transplant, Liz is an affordable housing advocate by day, writer by night. Sometimes she laughs out loud at words like 'fiduciary.'


  1. Mr. Right Mr. Right says:

    Or, you could stop trying to date uptight frat boys dealing with “post Greek life”, and give and maybe mildly less in shape normal guys a chance. Guys who won’t be insecure about your intelligence. No, you probably want to hold men to the “Old Spice” standard, and not give the more introspective fellows a chance. Or maybe you’re the one stuck in old ways, still thinking that a man has to support you or be more intelligent than you. You would think less of a man making more money than you. Wait, which sex is the one holding the other to a standard? No secure person “needs” someone of the opposite sex, but a hug now and then is still a nice thing.


    Hugs are the best! And for the record, I only date Centaurs.

  3. Tim Blasko says:

    As always, an enjoyable post by Liz Casey; you’re killing it!

    Warning: male point of view to follow.

    Personally I find a confident, self-empowered and opinionated woman that can handle herself and hold her own with grace and poise intellectually as an absolute requirement for dating. On the flip side there’s not much worse than a woman who is all of those things but has adopted the defensive position, and the attitude to go with it, that most men just can’t handle her cause she’s super-woman. It’s arrogant, and I can assure you many of the men that CAN handle a woman like that will sense it and are turned off by it; a little humility goes a long way. Something that I think is often confused is a man fleeing because he’s intimidated and challenged by a woman’s intellectual superiority, and being turned off by her arrogance that is rooted in it. I’ll bet that there are many women from my past who have put me in the “he just can’t handle me and probably wants me in an apron” camp, when in fact I actually stopped paying attention because they were just arrogant, and their cynical and defensive attitude towards men had soured them. In other words I still want a woman who’s pleasant and respectful and appreciates men.

    As to your elephant in the room comment – that women are rendering men less necessary for happiness: I agree that it has and is definitely trending that way, and a happy but single independent woman is a beautiful thing, but I have yet to see throngs of single women who are happy and at the same time don’t pine for a mate. Many of the most confident self-empowered female friends I know still yearn for companionship and love, and many of those feel unfulfilled by its absence. But let’s not let gender complicate this: people of both genders and everywhere inbetween just want to be and need to be loved – we’re built for connection, it’s why we’re here, and really there’s nothing wrong with that.

  4. Tim Blasko says:

    Let me also add that a little arrogance can also be a turn-on, just not when it’s rooted in cynicism.