There are instances in social settings in which I’m baffled at how awkward I am. Sometimes, when I’m being awkward, in order to drive home my awkwardness and appear ironic and quirky, I make a verbal observation about how awkward I am.
“Wow, I’m being really awkward. I’m gonna go.”
Or I trail off and walk away. Both mechanisms have served me well when I’ve said the wrong thing or laughed too loudly at my own jokes. Then there are the times I’ve done the robot.
In the wake of my nearly lifelong commitment to being a bit weird, there have been a few memorable moments in which I’ve had the rare chance to meet a celebrity. One can always claim their behavior will never waver past mild excitement but then if you’re ever faced with running into someone you admire musically or theatrically, shit gets weird.
Take, for example, my trip to JazzFest in New Orleans this past Spring. While enjoying live outdoor music, unreal food and drink, and cruising around a rad city for the first time, I happened to meet a friend of my sister’s who was working backstage for most of the shows. After their unexpected reunion, she offered my sister and I backstage passes to Feist and Mountain Man, the vocal stylings of which make my heart flutter. Once backstage, my eyes searched for even a glimpse to make it all worth it. Suddenly the women of Mountain Man were walking toward me, decked out in all of their beautiful hipster glory.
“YOU GUYS WERE AMAZING. I LOVE YOU! YOUR MUSIC IS THE BEST.”
Apparently I yelled this at them while waving both of my hands entirely too close to their faces. They smiled, said thanks, and quickly walked away to be swallowed by the festival. So I didn’t keep my cool. Surely next time I met a musician I admire, I’d act like an adult. Surely.
Unfortunately, I’ve proven I’m not mature enough to meet celebrities. This weekend while taking in one of my favorite bands, Lake Street Dive, at The Lizard Lounge in Cambridge, I became overzealous and over confident in my coolness factor. Due mostly to a bourbon tasting party I attended directly before the show, my liquid confidence led me to actually touch two members in the band in between their two sets. I justified the touching as a familial sense of cool that I clearly don’t have, while professing my amazement at their first set. Needless to say, I won’t be invited to one of their weddings in the near future.
My behavior got me thinking about why people act differently around celebrities. If you’re reading this and patting yourself on the back because ‘you just don’t do that sort of thing,’ then GOOD FOR FUCKING YOU. It’s as though if you’re famous, the rest of us lay-men and women project different standards onto you, almost subconsciously.
But that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t want to sleep with you…
Do I believe in this concept? Not really. Do I have a list? Of course.
LC’s FREEBIE LIST as of 2012
1. Jon Stewart
3. Mark Ruffalo
4. Bill Clinton
5. Ryan Gosling
Who’s on your list, Boston? Would you ever act if you met one of them in real life? Here’s to being awkward, touching musicians, and to secretly hoping that one day Jon Stewart will tell you you’re funny.