OH CRUEL WORLD!: BOOZE BABIES

ILLUSTRATION BY ANNA JO BECK.

Dear liquor store that was busted for selling to clearly underage kids,

There’s a very simple solution to your predicament,

and it isn’t installing some kind of dystopian, microchip-in-your-palm/number-of-the-beast-on-your-forehead surveillance system.

Nor is it parking a guy out front like you’re about to enter some kind of internment nightclub. Heck, you don’t even have to bother investing in some Gitmo-grade scanner. All it takes?

“Can I see your ID?” If the answer is no, or if the ID in question was obviously designed with Kid Pix 2 and printed on a stained Chinese food menu,

then no Tuesday afternoon Carlo Rossi for Johnny Noproof.

Signed,
Proud new patron of some other liquor store

P.S.—$7.25 for a High Life sixer was a fucking rip-off anyway.