Film LULZ 

FRIDAY POKEMON RANT

pokemon

Like many of you, I grew up with a Pokemon addiction that left me grinding my teeth anytime I heard the theme song. Now, although it’s hard to tell where the Japanese brainwashing ends and the nostalgia begins, I still have a special place in my heart for Pokemon. That being said—

SCREW THESE NEW GENERATIONS

This is a Pokemon named Vanillish...I'm serious

 

I grew up with 151 Pokemon, just like I grew up with nine planets in the solar system, and it should stay that way. I mean I GUESS I can find it in my heart to accept the second generation. It came out while I was still in the midst of my Pokemon love. Besides, it was exciting to have a whole new batch of Pokemon. It kept things interesting. But it was all down hill from there. The creators gave a lot less of a shit, and as a result, the Pokemon got a lot dumber.

 

 

THESE are the Starters for the Sixth Generation!?!

Give it up buddy, you're not fooling anyone

 

What the hell is this thing? How is that even a grass Pokemon? It looks like a gopher is wearing a plant hat and hoping no one will notice. I can’t help but feel like this little guy is going to evolve into some giant, nasty, badger thing covered in fungus. Or perhaps just a bigger gopher in a stupider hat. Only time will tell.

 

I bet it evolves into a prissy bitch

 

This is probably the least stupid looking of the three, but it’s also the least imaginative. A fox that breathes fire, never seen that before *cough* Vulpix *cough*. I can only imagine how that excessive amount of red hair sticking out of its ears is going to turn into some extravagant, flailing mane. Congratulations little fox thing, you get the least of my disapproval.

 

I hope you're proud of yourselves Japan

 

That is because I saved the bulk of it for this guy. You’re a frog, I get that; water and frog makes sense. But what’s up with the random patch of white fluffy stuff. I’m pretty sure it’s hair  on the back of its head that comes around to its chin, but why? Did someone just decide to mix a blue frog with Ben Franklin? And what’s up with that nose? It looks like he’s snorting two eight balls of coke at the same time.

 

I know right about now your childhood feels like it’s been shot with a potato cannon, so here’s some ointment for that emotional bruise.

About STEVE BONANNO

Steve Bonanno is from Newtown, CT and is currently a student at Endicott College in Beverly, MA. He is known for having volume control issues, being reminded he is in a family restaurant, and being asked to put his shirt back on.
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One Response to FRIDAY POKEMON RANT

  1. CARLI VELOCCI CARLI VELOCCI says:

    Yeah but why does the new generation suck? All generations of Pokemon have been really silly looking. I don’t believe it.