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After watching “Lemon Stealing Whores (Funniest Porn Intro Ever)”, a video that more than lives up to its title, we’re left with nothing but questions.

Why would this lemon-stealing whore wear a leotard for her lemon larceny? It’s not a tactically sound garment for lemon theft. And high heels? Come on, now.

If the couple has had trouble in the past with lemon-stealing whores, why haven’t they beefed up security? The lemons are right there for the taking!

Why are these two people so into lemons? You can’t even eat them, lemons only exist to complement other foods.

Why is the man so cavalier about living in a community filled with lemon whores?

Is this whole thing a Lemon Party inside joke? Don’t click that link.

My final question was “How does this bizarre lemon theft scenario turn into a porn?” I ended up doing some trenchant research and found the source video. The couple catches up to the lemon-stealing whore, they chastise her, she apologizes profusely, “How can I make it up to you?”, oral sex happens, etc. etc.

Moral of the story: Don’t steal lemons from crazy people or else they’ll call you a whore and then you’ll have to blow a guy.


Charles Bramesco attends school in New Orleans and lives in Massachusetts. He once met Tommy Wiseau, and claims that that was the moment at which he felt the closest to God.

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