Photo by Ben Gebo
As goes the tale, in 1929 the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre was carried out in Chicago under orders of storied crime lord Al Capone–a move designed to eradicate the foot soldier tier of henchmen working for bootlegging rival “Bugs” Moran. Broad-shouldered thugs in heavy overcoats and derby hats were lined up against the wall of a garage, heavily armed, and slaughtered like meaty cattle. The one guy who survived, when asked by investigators to tell them what happened and who committed the crime, only offered “I’ll never talk” before taking his last breath.
And this Saturday, the 19th Annual Bugs Bunny Film Festival is going down at the Brattle Theatre, which takes place the day after that most grand old lady of the manufactured holidays. Staff Writer Sean Maloney gets into what can be learned about sex from the apex character in the Loony Tunes oeuvre. Besides the personal shame of being attracted to Bugs when he dresses up like a woman to fool some brainless maelstrom of cartoon violence in hot pursuit like classic nemesis Crusher, or his real-life doppelganger Jared Remy. From Robert Crumb to Garth from Wayne’s World, hot-Bugs has been a taboo attraction for as many man-children as it hasn’t.
Speaking of attraction, we decided to cast a little light on the dark corners of niche dating sites, from the spunky singles of ChristianMingle.com, to the dark souls with profile pages on DateVampires.com, and, well, an equestrian dating site. Namely, by pairing them up on fictitious dates we hope, nay, we pray will someday happen.
And if they do, buckle up. The Apocalypse will have officially begun.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
SAVAGE LOVE: MASTURBATE UNTIL YOU’RE OLD AND SEXY