Hoo, boy. Here lies two words that, for the sake of comedy, go together beautifully. But hey; maybe it’s a convincing rap, gang. Let’s hear them out:
OH WAIT, THEY’RE BATSHIT INSANE
Number one: If you were to play “Take a Shot Every Time Someone Gives a Thumbs-Up In This Video,” you’d be dead. I’m hard-pressed to believe that anyone is this positive in real life, let alone gives a thumbs-up every time something good happens. BUT IT’S THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY SO EVERYONE’S HAPPY ALL THE TIME TOM CRUISE THETAN LEVELS.
The rap/music itself is also pretty lulz. Am I the only one who thinks the piano-sample sounds like the beginning to a Proactiv commercial? And what the hell does that woman say during the chorus before “There’s nothing we can’t do”? Should’ve booked some studio time, yo. Also, Rapper McGee; “We’ll forever be the winners” is either a scary, Nazi-threat, or the least creative thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t really decide because you’re so full of lithium.
And success, according to the Church of Scientology, comes in the form of a
slave-built IAS Mercedes-Benz.
AND THEY WON’T LET YOU FORGET THAT THEY OWN ONE
Things don’t get creepy (surprisingly) until the end, when that group starts shouting “We’re the IAS!” over and over, probably until Kirstie Alley said so. And that dramatic, totally weak last jump? So inspirational.
BONUS: Hey, did you know Beck was a Scientologist? Sucks, right?