Film 

HOW YOU QUEUIN’: CARTOON CHRISTMAS SPECIALS

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When I saw all the Christmas very special episodes on Hulu, I got pretty excited. Alf, Degrassi High, 21 Jump Street; so much Christmas! I decided to focus my Christmas nostalgia on some cartoons we all remember fondly. Turns out, Christmas cartoons are serious downers. But maybe some of you would like a little serious with your toons, so read on to see what I queued this week.

HE-MAN AND SHE-RA: A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Twins He-Man and She-Ra are celebrating their birthday, right around the time us earthlings celebrate Christmas. Orko, the floating ghost/goblin/alien in a trench coat and floppy hat, accidentally makes a rocket take off to Earth where some kids teach him about the meaning of Christmas and, of course, presents. Orko is beamed back up to the planet Eternia with these two kids, Miguel and Alisha. The kids carry some hardcore Christmas spirit that could affect super villain Horde Prime’s rise to power so Skeletor and Hordak are summoned to retrieve the kids I guess to sacrifice. The entire 42 minutes features dilemma after dilemma but is solved in 2 minutes so it’s not a lot of fun. The only enjoyment I had during the whole special is the part where Skeletor has a heart and also hopes Christmas is full of evil presents. I was unfortunately bored watching this and would only recommend it for the nostalgia factor and not for any quality purposes.

But man, I do still want She-Ra’s costume.

FAT ALBERT’S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

On this very special episode of Fat Albert and the Cosby kids, Fat Albert and the gang are putting together a nativity play in their clubhouse. Junkyard owner and major dick Mr. Tyrone doesn’t want these kids ruining the property value (I would’ve maybe gone with the insurance issues) and wants the kids out of the clubhouse tonight. But tonight isn’t going to work because a hard-on-luck family’s car broke down outside and the woman is about to give birth. So of course this turns into the nativity set inside being a place for this woman to birth her child and Mr. Tyrone, in pure Scrooge fashion, grows a heart and offers to get them a warm home and a job for the unemployed dad. It’s not a very funny Christmas special considering I expected laughs from something from Mr. Bill Cosby. In fact, the end was downright depressing where Mr. Tyrone looks up to the sky asking his dead wife if his good deeds on Christmas are a good start. That’s some Pixar sad stuff there!

I’d say skip the Fat Albert Christmas Special so you can save yourself the 22 minutes of constantly wanting to submit a cartoon character for The Biggest Loser.

A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS

A true classic, this is what I wanted in a Christmas special. Yes it’s kind of a downer but it’s filled with the fun and whimsy of the Peanuts gang. Poor Charlie Brown is feeling sad and it’s not seasonal affective disorder. He feels the holiday is over commercialized and the true spirit of Christmas has been lost behind the presents, lights, and fancy aluminum trees. Charlie Brown even sees his dog Snoopy as a sellout, decorating his doghouse in lights for a contest. Even the Christmas pageant is a bust as they’d rather dance in their awesome Peanuts way to Schroeder’s classic theme. And since all the kids are assholes, they get really angry at Charlie Brown for picking the sad, droopy tree from the lot. Charlie Brown won’t let the haters ruin his Christmas and soon the kids realize they forgot the true meaning of Christmas once Linus gives him famous bible verse solliquoy. The kids give the sad tree a makeover and hum/sing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” and then shout “Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!” All is good. Well until he tries to play football with Lucy again.

I love Peanuts and this TV special is a must-see. I could honestly watch the Peanuts kids dance for 22 minutes with their weird twisty ankles, but the Christmas moral is a nice story.

It airs Thursday, December 15th at 8:00PM on ABC and can be watched on Hulu. The original Christmas special is followed by some new one but I stopped watching after the classic. No need to muck it up perfection with a sub-par special.

About MELISSA SULLIVAN

Melissa is a reality TV and Jurassic Park superfan. When not watching anything and everything on Netflix, Hulu, and the interwebs, she tweets a ridiculous amount @melgotserved.
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