Film 

REEL TALK: MOVIES RATED BY REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES

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THE IRON LADY | RICK “I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M DOING THIS EITHER” PERRY

One drawback to having the Berklee College of Music in town is that it actually gets boring to be constantly encountering the best guitarist you’ve ever seen. “We’re forming a band. We have the fastest shredder at Berklee.” “Terrific, we don’t need to write good songs then!” Meryl Streep is fast becoming the film equivalent, with her performances getting better but her movies getting worse. “We’re making a Margaret Thatcher movie. Meryl Streep has signed on.” “Terrific, we don’t need to fix the script then!” [PG-13 | Coolidge Corner Theatre, Fri 1.13.12]

CARNAGE | RON “COVERS UP TERRIFYING, REACTIONARY WORLDVIEW WITH LIKABILITY” PAUL

Carnage, an adaptation of the respected Tony-winning play God of Carnage[WS13]  [now playing at the Huntington!—Ed.], tells the story of two couples (Jodie Foster and John C. Reilly vs. Kate Winslet and Christoph Waltz) whose small argument over child-rearing turns into a full-on war. This, of course, brought to you by the director who should never be trusted around any child ever, Roman Polanski. The movie is pretty entertaining thanks to tight direction and an amazing cast, but still, fuck that guy. [R | Kendall Square Cinema, Fri 1.13.12]

CONTRABAND | MITT “WHATEVER YOU WANT TO HEAR IS WHAT I BELIEVE” ROMNEY

Here’s a new one: a Hollywood remake of a foreign film—Iceland’s 2008 Reykjavik-Rotterdam—directed not by the director, but by the star of the original. Baltasar Kormákur even took the vanity thing a step further by casting Mark Wahlberg in his original role. I like this guy. He has chutzpah. Next he’ll be casting George Clooney in his own biopic. [R | Wide release, Fri 1.13.12]

JOYFUL NOISE | RICK “SANTORUM” SANTORUM

 

Queen Latifah, Dolly Parton, Jeremy Jordan and Keke Palmer play gospel singers who come together to solve the world’s problems the only way Americans apparently know how: competition. I can’t tell which angle is more dishonest—the It’s-Not-The-Journey-It’s-The-Destination story where they (probably) win in the end, or the rebellious Find-Your-Inner-Voice message starring preternaturally talented youths, or that there is even such a thing as a “gospel contest.” [PG-13 | Wide release, Fri 1.13.12]

THE THIN RED LINE | NEWT “THAT GUY YOU HATED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO” GINGRICH

World War II epic The Thin Red Line was Terrence Malick’s comeback after a 20-year absence following the Cannes-winning Days of Heaven. Last year’s The Tree of Life divided most audiences—some people dig his style, some people vomit at the very idea of “visual poetry.” Whatever you think of his other films, The Thin Red Line is excellent without relying on a singular narrative and shows another side of war beyond it being “good” or “bad.” [R | Brattle Theatre, Wed 1.11.12]

About KRISTOFER JENSON

IN BVRRITO VERITAS kris@digpublishing.com
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