Film 

REEL TALK: MOVIES RATED BY WHAT IS COMING IN AND OUT LIKE

RT_TimEricsBillionDollarMovie

TIM & ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE | IN LIKE A CROTCH CLOSEUP

I want to meet Tim & Eric’s makeup and sound people, but I’m worried about the nightmares that would invariable ensue. Consisting mostly of sweaty people making inappropriate tongue noises at uncomfortably close angles, Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! is what happens when late-night television snorts crushed-up sleeping pills mixed with Adderall and Frank’s Red Hot. (That’s praise, by the way. They’re geniuses.) [R | Kendall Square Cinema, Fri 3.2.12]

THE ROAD | OUT LIKE A SWORD THROUGH THE BACK OF AN ORC’S FACE

Coolidge Corner has chosen Viggo Mortensen as the recipient of this year’s Coolidge Award. Annual awards, by the way, are how grown-up nerds express mancrushes, because pretty much everything Viggo has ever done is just awesome/sexyawesome. He was Aragorn. He was Lucifer. He was married to Exene Cervenka. And he’s a damn fine actor. Check him out in The Road, an adaptation of the Cormac McCarthy post-apocalyptic father-son novel. It’s just … it’s just great. [R | Coolidge Corner Theatre, Thu 3.1.12]

KILL LIST | IN LIKE POISONED TEA AND CRUMPETS

2011 wasn’t the best year for American horror films, thanks in part to 3D gimmicks, remakes, sequels and unimaginative “found footage” disasters. But the international market for horror boomed, with Norway’s Troll Hunter and the UK’s Kill List. Director Ben Wheatley’s imaginative, haunting, psychological tale of a contract killer was one of the best films of SXSW and without a doubt one of the top five horror films of 2011. [NR | Brattle Theatre, Fri 3.2.12]

RED DESERT | OUT LIKE BERLUSCONI

#firstworldproblems are a lot of fun, and a useful way to call somebody out for complaining about nothing. But alienation is a real thing—alienation from life, nature, labor and society are all problems that we did not foresee when we sought to make life easier. Il Deserto Rosso is Italian master Michelangelo Antonioni’s Golden Lion-winning existentialist story of technological ennui (along with a bunch of other SAT words). [NR | Museum of Fine Arts, Thu 3.1.12 -- Sun 3.4.12]

THE LORAX | IN LIKE RON PAUL, OUT LIKE SANTORUM

Look, maybe it’s good. Maybe it’s cute. Maybe they preserve some of the pro-environment and anti-industry themes of the original. But at what cost?! First of all, I have difficulty seeing Danny DeVito as anything other than Frank from Always Sunny. Second, it’ll make it okay to make more Dr. Seuss adaptations, meaning more The Cat in the Hats. Third … eh, fine, take your kids to see it if it, so long as it keeps them safe from The Phantom Menace 3D for a bit longer. [PG | Wide Release, Fri 3.2.12]

About KRISTOFER JENSON

IN BVRRITO VERITAS kris@digpublishing.com
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