Film 

FILM: CINEMA PARACHEESE-O

MV_FilmAndFood

STEVE BONANNO @BOJANGLEZ64

Looper
with Swiss
For a movie riddled with plot holes, you want a cheese of the same nature. For every physical gap in the cheese, there will be an equal if not greater gap in the logic. And just as the flavor of Swiss would not be the same without the holes, so is the case with time travel.

looper

MONICA CASTILLO @MCASTIMOVIES

Sweet Charity
with goat cheese and almond wrapped grapes with champagne
Get fancy like a big spender with Bob Fosse’s Sweet Charity and these impressive (but easy) sweet and tart treats. Flatten a teaspoon of goat cheese in your palm and wrap it around the grape, adding a layer of crushed or sliced almonds for crunch. The tightly choreographed film stars Shirley MacLaine as a taxi dancer looking for a brighter future after a string of bad luck boyfriends. It’s bittersweet, but still light and bubbly, which goes well with that champagne you’re drinking. 

sweet charity

NINA CORCORAN @NINA_CORCORAN

A Grand Day Out with Wallace and Gromit
with Wensleydale
Man and his best friend know that life’s best pleasure—apart from friendship—is cheese, specifically Wensleydale. If you’re lucky, you can find the brand made specifically for the film. Let it console you when you realize not everyone gets to go to the moon to see how it tastes.

Ratatouille with an expensive sample platter
When you’re dining with a gourmet rat, he won’t let you settle for anything but the best. So since the movie’s all about experimenting with food and learning how to cook, now’s your chance. Plus, you can spit out what you don’t like since Remy’s too busy onscreen to scold you for it.

Amelie with Roquefort
As one of the best modern French films, Amelie is as daring as it is simple, so you’ll need a cheese that matches its protagonist. Roquefort is bold, colorful, and curious (thank god someone discovered eating moldy cheese is safe), not to mention French. Let’s be real: Amelie is secretly made of blue cheese. It’s what makes her so chee(se)rful.

amelie

JERARD FAGERBERG @JGFAGERBERG

Troll 2 with Kraft Easy Cheese
With similarly low levels of production value and non-ironic amusement, Troll 2 and Easy Cheese are an ideal match for folks who hate themselves and have totally lost touch with conventional definitions of enjoyment or self-respect. To fully complete the transition to abject human garbage, pair with a Beer 30 Ice and enjoy in a dimly lit…actually, just forget cheese, movies, and beer altogether and go autoerotic asphyxiate.

Sin City with a big stinkin’ slab of Limburger
Limburger is the stinkiest of the stinky cheeses. Mark Twain called its scent “a most evil and searching odor.” What a perfect complement to Sin City and its notoriously pungent Roark Junior character. Let the cheese’s abhorrent stench maim your nostrils while you watch Roark Junior prey on Lolitas for what is sure to be one of the most synchronously disturbing experiences of your life. They say that smell is the sense most tied to memory, so be wary of long-lasting emotional trauma with this daring pairing.

Let the Right One In with Västerbotten
Let’s be real, your kräftskiva wouldn’t be complete without a wheel of västerbotten or a västerbotten pie to compliment the mound of chilled crayfish on the table before you. This year, try mixing in Tomas Alfredsen’s seminal Swedish vampire flick Let the Right One In for a somber change of pace that will hopefully keep Uncle Gustav from swilling four goblets of brännvin and collapsing through the buffet table like he did last year. Skål!

let the right one in

JILLY GAGNON @JILLYGAGNON

The Last of the Mohicans with Cabot’s Seriously Sharp Cheddar
In my imagination, Daniel Day-Lewis lived in the woods hunting and skinning deer with nothing more than a bowie knife he whetted with his steely, piercing gaze to prepare for this movie. Like DD-L, Cabot’s cheddar is salty and hard, but yielding. And like Madeline Stowe’s character, it’s easy—even Market Basket puts out…er, carries it. Pair with a big, malty stout, something you’d carry into the wilderness with you.

the last of

KRISTOFER JENSON @DAILYFANBOY

Frankenstein with Muenster
Pun value aside, James Whale’s breakthrough horror film shares quite a lot with America’s greatest cheese; both managed to be partially watered down versions of their European equivalents (the drowning scene in Frankenstein, the intense l’odeur of French Munster), and both are infinitely consumable. I’ll watch Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein back to back multiple times in a day while eating a block of Muenster right from my hand.

frankenstein

JESSE SCHWARTZ

Blue Valentine with a can of Easy Cheese
Watching Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams tear each other’s hearts out might truly be the most depressing thing ever. So why not watch Blue Valentine with a can of Easy Cheese, arguably the most depressing food ever? If their crumbling marriage becomes too much to bear, you can just close your eyes, put your mouth to the nozzle, and huff the pain away.

blue val

MELISSA SULLIVAN @MELGOTSERVED

Good Burger with a good ol’ slice of processed American cheese
Kenan & Kel’s absurd comedy about odd-couple coworkers at a burger joint was just recently added to Netflix Instant and holds a bit of nostalgia to us all.  The movie’s not good, but it’s comfort food; like a big, greasy cheeseburger with all the toppings.  If anything holds, it’s the surfer-dude voiced catchphrase that we’ll try to cleverly insert every time you visit UBurger: “Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your orrrrrder?”

good burger


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