Gonna give her a lute bitches love lutes

Greetings, knave!

Hast thou heard of this incorrigible playwright of yon hallowed works, this “William Shakespeare” fellow? Well by mine troth, some admirers of his truculent wordsmithing are putting on a show, verily, to commemorate his powerful verse in timeless song and dance! Shalt thou be there to cheer on this dulcet assembly as they pipe out the soothing tunes of yesteryear?


We give up.

We can’t actually write an entire column in quaint pseudo-Shakespearian jargon. Just looking at all those big words hurts our brain. Can you imagine if we tried to stretch that gag across an entire several pages of preview material? Wouldn’t that be awful? Let’s not do that. Better yet, we shalt not doeth as such--


Look, putting aside our poorly contrived talking-in-Renaissance-speak schtick for a moment, there’s this nifty show going on up at Gallery 263 in Cambridge on Sunday. If you’ve ever been to a Renaissance fair you know what to expect: lilting lutes, harmonic melodies from ancient times, the whole deal. The show art being played-eth (those aren’t even real colloquialisms, we’re just fucking with you now) by the Cantabile Renaissance Band, a merry troupe of hardcore twangers and pipers devoted to recreating the art and the sound of Elizabethan times.

There may even be a hurdy-gurdy involved. And really, you should go just for the prospect of seeing a real hurdy-gurdy in action.

HURDY-GURDY HURDY-GURDY HURDY-GURDY We don't even like the instrument all that much, we just love saying its name.

But nay, ye readers, that ’tis not all. There beeth (beeth? beath? Beest?) a great deal more to listen to at this concert than mere instruments! There will also be readings of Toquato Tasso’s The Aminta and good ol’ Willy’s Romeo and Juliet. That last one you should know, unless you were literally stoned into a coma during every English class ever. Tasso is a bit more obscure (Renaissance hipsters, take heed!) but his poetry is incredible, not least because he was legally insane.

"Torquato, take the leaves off. You're not fooling anyone, you don't even look like a rosebush. No, the aliens haven't landed yet. Go write some poetry."

The Shakespeare’s Neighbors show is pretty much the closest thing you can get to living in the Renaissance without putting on hosiery and a fop outfit to avoid being burned as a witch.

So polish up your “thees” and “thous” and go have a gander on the 25th. Oh, and that ten-dollar donation that’s suggested at the door? Technically, forking that over makes you a Renaissance patron.

Which makes you a goddamn lord of the arts.

King of the Renaissance, or yellow-bellied cur. Your choice, ye scurrilous blaggards.

[Sun 3.25.12, 263 Pearl Street, Cambridge. 617.661.8097. 7PM/All/$10 suggested donation.]


Peddler of vernacular, seer of yammering. Emerson College student, columnist and feature writer. Goals: Nebulous. Motivation: High.

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