BEAN COUNTER: VOLUME 14, ISSUE 29

The Boston Herald has endorsed Condoleezza Rice as the Romney’s running mate, which is cool and all, but will also probably never happen. So fuck it, the Dig endorses Batman for VP.  MINUS 4

Firefighters spent hours testing the air at a Boston College chemistry building Sunday night, after a strange odor was reported. To be safe, officials followed “Smelt It” protocols and “hosed some goofy kid with a smirk.” MINUS 3

Dr. Jill Stein, who ran against Mitt Romney for governor a decade ago, will face him again as the Green Party nominee, running once again on the wildly popular “Just Happy to Be Here” platform. EVEN

MIT scientists have developed a chip which can harvest energy from light, heat and vibrations. “We hope to apply it in a wide variety of fields,” said one researcher, adding, “And no, you can’t have sex with it, Roy.”  PLUS 5 UP TOP, ROY

A huge boulder in New Hampshire that was declared a national landmark over 40 years ago is set to finally receive money for a graffiti-cleaning face-lift. Speaking to the complex character of the state, the landmark is, like, a really big rock and stuff. PLUS 1

THIS WEEK’S TOTAL: MINUS 1

LAST WEEK’S TOTAL: PLUS 6