HOW TO NOT RIDE THE MTBA LIKE AN ASSHOLE: A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE
1. The train has arrived. People are getting off. Let them get off before you get on.
2. Tap your card if it’s a Green Line. If you have cash, let everyone else get on first, then enter your cash. It costs $2.50 a ride.
3. You are now on the train. Move to the back.
4. Stay aware. If you are sitting and you see a person who could use a seat (elderly, disabled, pregnant), offer it to them. But do not press if they are not interested.
5. If you are wearing a large backpack, take it off and put it between your feet. Make room for people as they get off. Don’t grab an entire pole for yourself. And always remember, teamwork makes the dream work.
WHY THE RED SOX SUCK (FOR YOUR COMMUTE)
Sure, you might like the Red Sox. You might even go to a game and spend $50 on a few beers and a “Fenway Frank.” But you will curse their existence when you’re just trying to get home after a long goddamned day and every asshole on this Green Line train is a dumb Sox fan from the ‘burbs who doesn’t have a Charlie Card, won’t move to the back of the train, and is probably drunk. Yes, even the kids. If you happen to have the misfortune of living on the Green Line, get to know the Sox schedule and plan your commute around it, or you’ll end up “accidentally” punching a Sox fan or two in the head before the season’s up.
BUS ROUTES YOU SHOULD TAKE INSTEAD OF THE T
Buses will often get you to where you need to go a lot quicker than the T. Learn them, love them, use them.
CT2 – Crosstown bus will zip you from Fenway/Northeastern to Kendall/Union Squares.
1 – Hitch a ride from Newbury Street/Back Bay to Central/Kendall/Harvard.
39 – Back Bay to Huntington Ave. to Jamaica Plain, so you can stop complaining about how far JP is.
66 – Coolidge Corner to Allston to Harvard. Has a Twitter; you should follow it: @The66Bus.
86 – Boston College kids can go to Harvard and Union Squares without the Green Line.
‘Cause I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one is hailing a taxi cab with my iPhone.
Flat-rate black car service you can order and pay for with your smartphone. Also allows you to hail a cab via your phone.
Boston taxi phone app; hail cabs from your phone, pay with your credit or debit card.
Phone app ridesharing service. Nearby drivers pick you up; you leave suggested donation at the end.
Similar to Sidecar. Look for the giant pink, fuzzy mustaches on the grill.
Rent cars by the hour or day at spots around the city. Check out the university membership.