Sex 

SEXUAL HEALING: I’M DOING ME

ponzi flowers

It’s officially spring, meaning we are that much closer to summer and even more so to a regular sex cycle. Warm weather and sexuality go hand in hand: your winter blub is no longer bursting at the seams of your jeans and your skin has finally started to back away from resembling that days-old bowl of Quaker Oats in the bottom of your sink. The sun is at last emitting some lovin’ and you can now meet the mornings a bit more satisfied, cheersing your in-season smoothie up against the bathroom mirror rejoicing, “Damn I look good.”

Ever wonder why you’re getting laid more frequently in the summer time, or why your guy friend pops a hard on while sunbathing? It’s that Vitamin D, baby. And I’m really hoping that sex drive comes back full throttle … soon.

A friend recently, and drunkenly, told me of a first hand experience she had while on a month-long vacation away from her boyfriend. She was outside on her boss’s rooftop apartment, somewhere in the middle of Canada, trying to catch a little bit of sun. She knew she wasn’t going to have sex for quite some time, and without even realizing it, started masturbating.

“I got off, was able to fall asleep that night, and wake up completely happy.”

I didn’t know why at the time, but all of the girls listening in on this story were first giggly, then silently shocked, and only later relentlessly curious. Our friend became a perverted weirdo, and we suddenly became prudes. Sure, many of us indulge in some self-love every once in a while, but we never actually admit to it. While it’s a normalcy for guys to jack off as part of their morning routines, masturbation seems more of a forbidden fruit when it comes to women.

Or so we think. Maybe we can partly blame the media. Women’s sexual satisfaction has nearly always been presented as a rated-R or ‘unrateable’ endeavor. A woman can go down on a guy and it’ll be rated PG-13, but as soon as the roles are flipped, the scene inevitably becomes a delicate one. Society has this tendency to simply throw a sheet over us and call it a day. But you know what?

Sometimes it’s just too hot to even stay in bed.

Are we brainwashed, ladies? Because the more I think about it, the more I realize that we are repressing these natural urges for nothing. It’s not solely the taboo nature of the subject, though. Men want us to love ourselves, and hell, I think we want to love ourselves just the same. I just think some women just don’t know how. My other girlfriend took a sip of Pinot and admitted,

“Listen, guys. I respect my vagina, I take care of my vagina, but I don’t love my vagina. I don’t love vagina in general, which is probably why I was made a straight woman, I guess, because I just don’t find it appealing.”

While she soon learned that her lady parts don’t bite, I learned that there are so many catalysts to keep women from masturbating on even a somewhat regular basis. Most of the girls I know only do so to please their partners. They want to convince their S.O. that they love their own body, though the majority of the time they still have yet to convince themselves.

The problem is we don’t make it a priority, and when you don’t work at something every day, you never really get good at it. It may be that we always seem to be on the go. For me, personally, I have a morning routine; I have a schedule to stick to, whether it be school, writing, or work. It’s a usual case across womenfolk. And it’s not necessarily that men are lazy— it’s just that most girls agree that we are not going to wake up a half hour earlier and decide,

“Okay! Vagina loving time” at so and so o’clock.

Sex dreams? Fuck ‘em. Literally, wait it out until someone can satisfy your needs, right? Wrong. But it sounds so familiar, doesn’t it?

If you’re in the habit of putting off your sexuality in the morning, in the night, in the office on your nine to five shift, just remember that you could be taking major toll on your sex life, and your happiness on the whole. Because reality is, masturbation is great! It’s not going to hurt you, but rather, help you come to know yourself. Recognizing what makes you feel good, knowing what gets you off (by yourself) is necessary in coming to know what you want. By understanding this, you can tell whoever you’re sleeping with what you like as well, and ultimately, shape a better, balanced relationship.

That way, you can have your cake and eat it, too. Masturbation is kind of like Splenda—minus the chlorine and risk of stomach ulcers—it’s sweet and calorie free. You can maintain a normal routine and still keep yourself happy. Take a shower, but just skip the shampoo. That kills like, six minutes.

I mean, you don’t even have to shave your legs to have sex with yourself.

There’s an indefinite difference between happiness and sexual satisfaction, and some people don’t exactly know how to distinguish the two. The majority of the time, one seemingly provides just enough pleasure so that we can disregard the other. But the imbalance only provokes a temporary fix, and we excuse this as okay. I’m here to tell you that it’s not. You are your own best friend, why not be your own lover as well? Worship your body, own your sexuality, and relax.

Lay back, slab on some sunscreen, and do the damn thing.

About SARA BURGESS

When Sara admits to a Creative Writing major and her awkward addiction to notebook-shopping, most people respond with a laugh and, "But seriously." Well, hey everyone, she can be a little serious.
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2 Responses to SEXUAL HEALING: I’M DOING ME

  1. HandiMan HandiMan says:

    Entertaining read. It’s definitely given me a first hand account of why some, if not most Boston women seem to be incredibly prudish. I hope your writing encourages more women to open up and fully embrace their sexuality.

  2. Pingback: SEXUAL HEALING: OVERDRESSED SEX | DigBoston