You can always tell when school is starting again in Boston. Every time you hop on the T, it consistently looks like a sorority exploded inside.
So. Much. Blonde.
But dealing with the Heathers aside, Back To School is truly the most magical time of year in Boston.
It’s also the time of year that everyone and their editor wants to give you college kids advice. Which, man, I’m sure gets super annoying after awhile. Like, how conceited do you have to be to think anyone wants to hear your advice? Ugh. Adults, amirite?
Luckily, my advice is different and totally worth taking.
Now I don’t know about your particular university, but back when I was in college, in an effort to stem the tide of sexual assaults that were rampant on campus, they took all of us ladies aside in a special assembly and essentially told us that we were responsible for not getting raped. Because if we were out walking or jogging at night, or were wearing a short skirt, or were drinking alcohol, or were trying to walk to our car in an empty parking lot and dropped our keys, or were out on a date, or were in possession of a vagina, or were breathing, we were probably going to get raped and we had no one to blame but ourselves. So best to just wear a parka year round and only leave your house from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Now, I’m hoping things have changed a little since then (and never you mind how far back “then” was). But considering stats like “one in four women will be raped” still exist, I’d like to try a different tactic to address the rape culture in college this year. So with that in mind:
Hey fellas, don’t rape anybody.
Yes, I don’t know if anyone ever told you guys, if your parents ever sat you down and said “be sure to eat your vegetables and never rape anyone,” but rape is bad, m’kay. So just don’t do it. If a girl is passed out, don’t have sex with her. If she is too drunk to properly give you permission to board, don’t stick your penis inside her. If a girl isn’t sure how far she wants to go, don’t push yourself on (or in) her. If a girl is wearing a bikini at 3 a.m. or a slutty janitor outfit on Halloween or is downright stark nekkid, that is not an automatic invitation to ravish her with your drunk, half-limp man part.
If you need an easy way to remember that, just remember that the rules of life are much like the rules of a strip club. You can look all you want, but you can’t touch without permission.
This is college, boys. It’s super easy to get laid the old-fashioned way. So how about buying that co-ed from biology class dinner instead of wasting all that money on roofies?
Because consensual sex is not only the best sex, but the only sex that should ever be had.