BEAN COUNTER: VOLUME 13, ISSUE 47

The Food and Drug Administration are investigating claims that “shrinkage” in Boston Scientific stents can lead to deformation after being implanted. Officials worry that deformation could cause coronary issues, especially when “suppressing child-like giggles at the word ‘shrinkage.’” MINUS 2

The Massachusetts Catholic Conference made a last attempt to stop casino gambling in the state with a direct letter sent to Gov. Deval Patrick this past Friday. The group released a statement that “Gamblers should try doubling-up on Jesus,” before adding “Bingo fundraiser tonight.” EVEN

A 21-year-old Boston man was charged with allegedly defacing a sign in Mission Hill Sunday morning, though he claimed to be a street artist expressing his creativity. While police were forced to  arrest the man, they did cut him some slack for his “bold use of color and postmodern pastiche.” MINUS 1

Boston-area chefs raised $5,000 for Malden’s Housing Families by auctioning off elaborate gingerbread houses this past week. The charity says it plans to use the money to help its chefs move past the “proof of concept” phase. PLUS 1 DELICIOUS HIGH-RISE

The Chicopee Knights of Columbus will be one of the many groups working to serve dinners to the needy this Thanksgiving, totally missing the point of the holiday. Uh, guys? You’re supposed to eat more than you need and then toss the leftovers into a garbage bag. Get with the program! PLUS 4

A patient of an neurorehabilitation center in Effingham, New Hampshire allegedly stole a vehicle Sunday and made it as far  Boston before being detained by authorities. We’ll leave our readers to draw their own conclusions on this one. EVEN

THIS WEEK’S TOTAL: PLUS 2

LAST WEEK’S TOTAL: MINUS 84