Dear Douche Bag with an Umbrella as big as Dracut,
Thank you for almost poking out my eye in front of 100 Cambridge Street. Yes, I know it’s raining and you don’t want to get your Armani suit wet, but unlike your BMW 535i, your umbrella doesn’t have a parking sensor. You actually have to look where you’re going.
You know what they say about men with big umbrellas.
Your wife must be a very unhappy person.
Almost a Cyclops