VIA @PUKINGAWAYMYFUTURE
(Whose f*cking idea was this?)

DO

“Wear Jeffrey Campbell—like, stripper heels. Seven inches or more, especially if you’re short. Us short girls have to do what we have to do.”

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“Sport cat eyeliner. I read in Cosmo that looking like a cat is supposed to signify, like, femininity and power.”

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“Red manicure. Trust me, you’ll feel better about yourself. To quote Demi Moore in St. Elmo’s Fire: ‘Red really does … something.’ Like, it’s amazing.”

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“White jeans. I don’t care if you think they make you look fat. If you say they make you look fat, then you’re probably fat.”

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“Wear cute underwear. You want a guy to see your granny panties? No.”

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“Look cute while going to the gym. Everyone is judging you.”

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“Brush your hair. I don’t care if that hipster ‘I don’t care what I look like’ thing is in. I’ve seen food in girls’ hair.”

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“Brush your teeth. Or whiten them. One of those.”

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“Wear pants—pants look cute on everyone, and if you get drunk and fall down, you don’t have to worry about flashing anybody.”

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“Strike a balance—you can have a flowy top and a tight bottom, but not both. Two tights is skanky, two flowys and nobody will notice you.”

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DON’T

“Be a repeat offender. I understand the economy’s going through a tough time, but there’s no reason you can’t spice up an old outfit. Or just buy more stuff and go into debt.”

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“Forget to wax your eyebrows. If there’s a bush growing out of your forehead, you get that taken care of.”

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“Wear a dress that doesn’t fit you. I knew this girl that was a size six, and she borrowed my dress and she ruined it. Thanks. Can I include that story in there?”

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“Dye your hair all those fucking colors. You look like My Little Pony.”

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“Get one of those stupid tattoos, like angel wings or tribal tats.”

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“Wear pleather. I don’t care if you have to kill somebody and take their leather jacket, but don’t. Wear. Pleather. It’s fashion suicide.”

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“Guys—shave your mustache. But keep the scruff. It’s like a free exfoliation.”

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“Wear too much foundation—if you look like you just came out of the tanning salon, then you’re doing it wrong.”

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“Wear blue eyeshadow. It’s unflattering, you look like a tramp, and everyone’s gonna say mean things about you all evening.”

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“Not wear a bra. Seriously, wear a bra. Nobody wants to see your tits hanging out.”