IN THE TUBES: COLBERT ON THE BANANA BUNKER

 Pamper Your Banana with the BananaBunker!

 While lying in bed last night, surrounded by my nightly companions of whiskey, teddy bears, and tears, I watched Colbert talk about the BananaBunker.

“But too often, your fruit investment, especially bananas, are vulnerable to smooching, jostling, or rough-handling while pretending to use it as a phone.

Well that ends now, thanks to the BananaBunker, the only all-in-one protection system that keeps your banana safe.”

I must admit, banana-crazed lunch-packing accountants everywhere should be thanking the Cultured Containers gods. The tupperware, which comes in several decorative colors to match your mood, successfully protect the life of them potassium-rich biddies without taking up any unnecessary space among the endless papers, pens, graphing calculators, and…secret sex toys?…in your briefcase.

Oh wait, this looks like a secret sex toy in itself. I’m not attempting to procure the title of The Dig‘s resident Sick-O, but come on. How could anyone over the age of 7 not look at this contraption and be reminded of a different category of fruit…of the forbidden sort. So, while the BananaBunker may be handy for keeping your yellow produce all nice ’til lunch, it will also make its user look like a complete control freak

and, most likely, someone who may or may not have a cage in his/her basement.

Even better, the BananaBunker itself will cost the customer $6.99, and S+H is $8.55. In toto, $16. For that price (plus 4 dollars) I can curse publicly in Middleborough. The latter must take precedent.

“Yeah, it’s pricey, but it’ll spare you the time and humiliation of cutting off the bruised part…or buying another banana for 25 cents. Which means the BananaBunker pays for itself in only 64 bananas.”