OH, CRUEL WORLD!: HEALTH CLUB

ILLUSTRATION BY CONER CORBETT

Dear Alma Mater,

Today, there still exists an assumption that universities are filled with the best and brightest.

From my last three years of experience, I’d describe it as a dim glow at best.

I vividly recall last spring semester. There was some heinous block party thing going on in a common area sponsored by one of the thousand bullshit clubs at my university—I think it was the health club or something (like I said, bullshit).

There was a table set up cluttered with pamphlets and lollipops with the name of the club printed on the wrappers. I didn’t dare get close enough to read any of the literature. Next to the table was a large, self-standing chalkboard with the question, “What is the greatest public health concern for college students?” written in big pink bubbly writing.

Below, was a bunch of responses written in smaller chalk letters. One in particular seemed larger, louder, and dumber that the rest. It read: Secondhand smoke!

I almost died. Second-hand smoke?

Frankly, I’m more concerned about second-hand stupidity. And STD’s.

Get your priorities straight, undergrads,
Rising On Outta Here Senior