IN THE TUBES: APPLE 5

While I’m a somewhat proud user of the iPhone and MacBook, I never quite grasped the pandemonium that comes with each new release of an Apple product. Those people (read: imbeciles with nothing better to do) who wait in line for days, camping out like insatiable wolfs waiting to devour Tech 2.Next. Just go home, I say to them in my head.

Chillax, you’ll be united with your new best bud soon enough.

These people, these tech-thirsty techies, ditch class, work, and, arguably, friends to be one of the first thousand to experience the majestic dynasty that is a wider aperture, a quarter-inch sleeker frame, a half-second quicker website-loading capability.

But at least they have reasons.

This Cindy-Lou-gone-Meth-Head looking caricature was among the pathetic patrons waiting in line for the iPhone 5, and she hadn’t the slightest clue of what the damn thing even is. When asked by jokester Sam Roberts why she chose to wait in line instead of ordering the phone on the Internet, her reasoning was because she doesn’t want to get ripped off by the Internet, so she’s just going to avoid it.

Maybe you shouldn’t fucking buy a phone that’s, arguably, mainly used for the Internet then, Stephen King’s Carrie.

You might also want to find out the name of the product, since it’s not “Apple 5,” as you so lovely referred to it.

Well said @revierypone!!

“I like the way it’s designed. I like the apple on it. It’s white, it’s like, silver colors, the glass, um, frames. It’s like really cool. It’s touchscreen.”