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IN THE TUBES: THE REAL MITT ROMNEY

realromney

Could I have your attention please? Could I have your attention please?

We’re gonna have a problem here.

I’m Mitt Romney and I’m the real Romney. All the other Mitt Romney’s are just mass debating.

At least if/when Mitt doesn’t win the election, he’ll always have a promising rap career. He could even hold some off-the-chain shows at his Lake Winnipesaukee summer home. Maximum capacity shall not exceed roughly 200,000 Mormons.

Ya’ll act like you haven’t seen a Mormon before.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

My dog is on the roof. My dog is on the roof. NOT AGAIN! Seamus is getting sick of this shit.

I have emotion and passion. That’s a joke, for the record.

Every Mormon raise your underwear. Sing the chorus, Papa Bear!

Okay, let’s make a deal. We’ll (somehow) rally more female and middle-class Americans (among others) to vote for you-- if, AND ONLY IF, you undergo cosmetic surgery to permanently keep your face like this:



About LYSSA GOLDBERG

No A. Put the A in, and you die.
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