You know sometimes when you meet someone who charms you instantly and ends up being a quality person with whom you’d enjoy spending more time? Then, you find out they’re single. How on earth hasn’t someone scooped this gem up? you wonder silently and creepily as you smile at them from afar. Well, now I bring you four Camberville residents who will rock your socks off, and make you wonder the same thing. Not only are they independent and cruising  solo, but they all work and contribute their time to make the community in which they work and live a better place. Support local singles and business, y’all, and buy these people a drink.

by Ben Zelnick

Meet: Julia Chauvin aka Want some jokes with that coffee?

Profession: Diesel Café Barista and Baller
[Diesel Café.257 Elm St., Somerville. @diesel_cafe. diesel-cafe.com]

Lives in: Medford

What’s the best thing, in your mind, about being single in Camberville?
I don’t have to go to typical ‘girlfriend’ things or fit someone into my already busy schedule. I can make my own plans and don’t ever have to worry about my girlfriend not wanting to go. Also, when you’re single, no one is allowed to judge you or your behavior.

So if you decided you wanted to drink a 12 pack of Sam Summer and play Wii Bowling all night, you don’t have to worry about your girlfriend’s reaction.
Exactly.

If you had to choose between eating a basket of onion rings and getting laid by someone you weren’t that into, what would you choose?

Basket of onion rings, clearly.

Tell me about your best worst date.
I once agreed to go out with a girl who ended up not being old enough to drink. So instead of going to the bar like a normal date, we rented SLC Punk and made out, even though I wasn’t really that interested. I mean, have you ever seen that movie? It’s terrible.

Scenario: How would you react if your date purchased a gallon of ice cream from CVS and ate it on a park bench instead of taking you out to dinner?
I think I could roll with that. BUT, no chocolate ingredients, no second date.

What’s it like working for a local business that’s incredibly popular amongst 20-30 somethings in Somerville?
Working at Diesel is great. It provides both a work environment and a social life, since I’m friends with everyone I work with.

Have you ever gotten a phone number from a customer?
Yeah, a few actually. There was this one girl who we all dubbed the ‘crushtomer,’ and we eventually went on a few dates. Then, another time, a professional dominatrix model asked me out. I told her I wasn’t interested.

So none of these crushtomers had a happy ending?
Not quite. They didn’t really butter my bread … and frankly, they burned the milk.

What are you going to do if someone asks you out because of this article?

Are they Alex Morgan from the U.S.women’s soccer team?

OW OW! ... the inferior soccer skills of her oponents pains us.

Well, no, I don’t think so.
Eh, I’ll take my chances. As long as they’re tan, preferably fake tan.

For the record, Julia prefers someone with a sense of humor who is active. Cheerleaders are ok too, I guess. 

Meet: Garvey Salomon aka Smooth Operator

Profession: Bartender at Parlor Sports, Basketball coach at a school inBrookline, private consultant
[1 Beacon St., Somerville. @ParlorSports facebook.com/ParlorSports]

Lives in: Inman Square, Somerville

What do you enjoy most about bartending in Camberville?
In the least cliché way possible, it’s all about the people for me. Everyone who comes to hang out at Parlor brings an awesome vibe. Not to mention, I get to hear a lot of good stories.

Boxers or Briefs?

Animal print boxers. Specifically dogs. The ladies need to know I’m a dog lover.

Of course. What do you like most about being single?

The best thing? I never have to worry about sleeping in a room with cats. There seems to be a strong correlation of me getting into a girl, then it turns out she owns, like, four cats. You can’t live like that.

 

Speaking of cats, I have a scenario for you. What if a girl asks you out to dinner but instead meets you outside the restaurant with a Costco sized bag of trail mix and alerts you you’ll both be attending a furry convention—on her?
I think that would be further proof that our economy is in shambles if this is my date. Trail Mix? Really?!

What are you going to do if you get a normal date out of this article?
Do a thorough background check.

Ok, tell me your best worst date experience.
One time I took a great girl out to dinner for Chinese food. It turns out she may or may not have been a competitive eater in her free time. I don’t mean she ate a lot. I love a girl who can eat. It’s just that the food ended up everywhere except her mouth. It was hard to watch and not want to clean up after her.

That’s sort of like how you can typically tell what I’ve had for lunch or dinner, as it ends up on my chest. I feel for that poor, competitive eater. So what is the number one thing you look for in a partner?
Really, that potential dormant gene that leads to becoming an overbearing parent. So like, an obsessive soccer mom.

Garvey actually values a sense of humor above all else, if you didn’t already figure that out. 

by Ben Zelnick

Meet: Emma Reed aka Painted Face Girl

Profession: Grant Writer and Patient Coverage Liaison at Mass General Hospital

Lives in: Central Square, Cambridge

What’s your favorite watering hole in Camberville and why?
Probably Bukowski’s in Inman Square, because that bar feels like Cheers for me.  I walk in and feel at home. I also love People’s Republik in between Central and Harvard, because I always get good vibes there. Have you ever seen the clientele? They’re awesome! I always get a good conversation out of a beer there.

Whales or Dolphins?
I’d have to go with Dolphins. They’re pretty social and cute.

Best thing about being single and living in Camberville?

FREEDOM.

Also, all of my best friends live in the same place and I never want to sacrifice spending quality time with them over having to compromise for someone else. Plus, flirtin’ is just the best.

How do you meet single people around here?
Mostly shows. I go to a lot of shows alone and dance like a maniac. People tend to come up to me after and compliment my sweet moves. I play in WAKA (Adult Kickball Association) too, so it’s a fun way to meet people. The conversation tends to go from there.

Also, I wear paint on my face nearly every night I go out. I call it my flare.

What if you exchange numbers with a guy at a show, and when you show up for your first sober date with him, it turns out he only has one arm when you remembered two?
Oh man! I can work with one arm, I think. Half a face could be a deal breaker. I mean, you’ve seen The Dark Knight, right?

Yeah, that movie rocked. Speaking of having one arm, what are your dating deal breakers?
People who talk trash about their friends and family. I can’t stand that. Also, when someone can only talk about their work. There’s gotta be more going on for them that makes them interesting. Oh, and, guys that wear baggy ass clothes. Wear something that fits! You should be able to see socks when you sit down. I’m just sayin’.

Boxers or Briefs?

Briefs. You can see more … man, I’m a real dog.

One word to describe yourself?

Gin and Tonic. Just kidding, that’s two words. Nice. I’m genuinely nice.

It’s true. Emma is really fucking nice. And hilarious. She also owns a sweet pink and green bike, so say hi to her if you see her riding around the neighborhood.

by Ben Zelnick

Meet: Patrick Gaggiano aka the Irish-Italian stallion

Profession: General Manager of Trina’s Starlite Lounge in Inman Square / Booze Liaison
[3 Beacon St.,Somerville,MA02143. @trinastarlite. trinastarlitelounge.com]

Lives in: Inman Square, Somerville

What’s the best thing about being single and living in this wonderful city of ours?
Well, working in a bar provides the perfect environment for meeting new people. I really like the flexibility of always seeing new faces come through the Camberville bar scene and being able to have awesome conversations.

When you’re not tending your bar, where do you spend your time?
I try to get to the beach as much as possible. I also really love supporting other local businesses in the area, so I tend to end my off nights at other bars or restaurants like Atwoods [http://www.atwoodstavern.com/] and West Bridge[http://www.westbridgerestaurant.com/] inKendall. It’s a give and take of support, and boozing.”

Craft beer or drinking rum out of the bottle?
I’d have to say beer, although the latter sounds appealing. I’d pick beer for coherence. And the possibility of getting so drunk that my date sees my terrible dance moves.

I’d like to see those dance moves at some point. Ok, scenario: A girl gives you her number while you’re bartending and you decide to go on a day-date with her. When you go to pick her up on a Saturday afternoon, she’s wasted at 2pm and asks if you’ll drive her around so she can do her weekend errands. What would you do?
I’d probably drive her around for a good story while texting all of my friends the ridiculousness. Then if she tried anything at the end of the date, I would tell her that while doing all of her errands, I realized I was gay.

Quick, one word to describe yourself.
Tolerable.

Wait. Really? You just described yourself as ‘tolerable?’
Well … yeah. I’m easy going, but everyone says that. So I chose tolerable. And I’m shy at first.

Alright, alright, that’s way too many words. Tell me your best worst date story.
I used to live onNantucket, and while I was out there, I agreed to go on a blind date. The girl was charming and beautiful, except, the whole time she called me Derek. She also kept emphasizing how great it was that I was fromNew Yorkand studying to be a doctor. So basically, it was a good date for Derek, but not so much for me. I just went along with it, because it was amusing. The girl realized after it ended and never called me again.

Ouch, You don’t really look like a Derek. Well, what are you going to do if you get a date out of this?
Buy all of your beers.

This is a win-win situation, ladies. Get a date with Patrick, you get wined and dined, and I get wined.

Don’t wait too long to meet these Camberville singles. Head on down to Trina’s, Parlor Sports, Diesel Cafe, and Mass General (hopefully just for an insurance consultation) before it’s too late.