ILLUSTRATION BY ANNA JO BECK
To the person implementing the speakerphone function on their iPhone,
Look at you, taking full advantage of all the state-of-the-art features your mobile operating system can offer! How swell it must be to carry on your indubitably imperative—and extremely public—tête-à-têtes without the incredible nuisance of putting your phone to your ear!
Yes, you may be the only one on the receiving end of that conversation, but everyone else can hear your end loud and clear as you mosey down the street, barking out everything from your shopping list to your sexual exploits to whatever poor soul happens to have the misfortune of being within earshot of your your mindless gab.
Unless you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, what business do you have employing any sort of hands-free cell phone device anyway? Not that some corporate bigwig looks any less idiotic than you seemingly jabbering away to him or herself, but at least they’re probably discussing something a little more critical than how many shots of tequila they guzzled last night.
You’re not as important as you think,
Maddened By Technology