It’s a lonely life being a Ginger in a sea of all those Blonde and Brunette normies. There’s the endless puns, the cruel Kick-a-Ginger Day, and that painful reminder every Halloween that there’s only so many well-known redheads to dress up as. For those who join me in the superior Tribe Called Best, here’s a list of costume ideas to make you feel less alone and more (questionably) proud of your red locks.
Directions: Wear denim cut-off vest exposing luscious ginger chest hair. Grow/ glue on lots of facial hair. Carry a gun.
Optional: Go around preaching to innocent passersby about The End of America.
Why: ‘Cause even if by the end of the night people think you’re an absolutely insane conservative, at least you have all those “Chuck Norris” jokes to fall back on as conversation starters. See also: hot wife.
Directions: Curl hair. Find a red dress and affix white belt and Peter-Pan collar.
Optional: Add cute dog. Find a rich, bald man and express to him, through song, how glad you sure are that he’s now your Daddy.
Why: ‘Cause it’s cool to call random rich dudes your Daddy. See also: possible restraining order.
Directions: Same as original Orphan Annie. Add thick-rimmed glasses and general apathetic facial expression.
Optional: Carrying around any album by My Chemical Romance.
Why: ‘Cause, like, it’s a hard-knock life being adopted by billionaires, amirite? See also: Excuse to listen to your totally fav band all over again.
Directions: Either have long hair or purchase hair extensions. Stop eating … now. Purchase sunglasses that hide approximately 45% of your half-dead face.
Optional: Get fucked up.
Why: See: Optional.
Directions: Facial hair. Walk around painting pieces of either yourself, a star-filled sky, or bedrooms.
Optional: Cut off left ear.
Why: ‘Cause your art isn’t hanging in the Musee d’Orsay, is it? See also: Self-mutilation is totally in this year.
Directions: Okay, her hair may have been more of an orange-auburn, but still. Dress in traditional 19th-century garb. Add necklace/ pendant thing. Pull hair back into tight, low bun.
Optional: Don’t talk to anyone.
Why: ‘Cause poetry is, like, really deep. See also: Excuse to be anti-social.
Directions: Carry around bread. Wear sign that says “Ginger Bread Man” / “Ginger Bread Woman”
Why: ‘Cause at least you’ll be the cool kid who brought all the snacks.
See also: Saving money on drunk pizza.