MICKEY AVALON: LOADED

GENRE | MUSUCK
VERDICT | FUCK 18 TRACKS
LABEL | SUBURBAN NOIZE
RELEASE | 4.24.12
MICKEYAVALON.COM

Mickey Avalon’s Loaded is the greatest Mickey Avalon album every made by Mickey Avalon—until Mickey Avalon shows up.

Opener “Rock Bottom” starts with a dirty riff reminiscent of the best Kid Rock (compliment), and party-rap number “Drugs” is solid in its relentless droning (compliment?). Even the screwed and chopped “I’m Hot” gets up in you despite horrendous lyrics which approach self-parody the same way a farmer would approach a downed UFO.

But, regardless of the track, when Mickey starts spitting things go downhill. Every verse is delivered with the same “Who gives a shit?” drawl, and his greatest feat is stuttering in the chorus of “Baby Doll.” Only Mickey Avalon could do a song about a woman’s junk-trunked ass (“More Junk”) while sounding neither aroused nor amused. Three concluding remarks: First,“ferret” is not an agreed-upon euphemism for “penis.” Second, you get ONE track where you rep your own name, Mickey. ONE.

Third, “Ed Hardy Jesus” is a bonus poster no one has ever asked for, or deserved.