boyfriend

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: THE TROUBLE WITH ROOMMATES

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Although another option would be working the jealousy angle by getting pictures of you sitting on the chest and/or face of some other passed-out dude. And as I happen to spend most of my spare time passed out, I’d be happy to offer any assistance you might need. Continue reading

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: TIE ME UP, TIE ME DOWN

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Now for my concern: How well do you know this woman? I only ask because when you’re hog-tied and strapped to an old radiator with your a$$ in the air and a ball gag in your mouth, you’re gonna want to trust her. Continue reading

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: THE “RIGHT WAY” TO BREAK-UP

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My efforts earned me zero recognition from the scientific community, mind you, although the girl at the local Target took to calling me “that weirdo with a thing for pubes.” Continue reading

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: 10 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM DATING IN 2012

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4. When online dating, tell who you ARE, not who you want to be. Sure, I’d love to be Kate Upton with the gymnastic verve of Gabby Douglas and the credit score of Suze Orman. Unfortunately, I’m a broke blogger with zero flexibility who’s more likely to be mistaken for Keith Urban. Continue reading

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: IT’S NEVER A GOOD TIME TO BANG YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S MOM

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I would also propose that there’s a good chance her “flirtatious” behavior isn’t actually flirtatious at all. Something as innocuous as “would you like some cookies” is pretty easily translated by the male mind into “How would you like to attend soccer camp … in my vagina?” Continue reading

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: WHEN HE WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT HIS EX

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But there are two things we never forget: that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father and that woman who did that thing to our penises that was just absolutely f-cking awesome. Continue reading

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: HOW TO KEEP THE “X” IN SEX

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Then there’s certainly some options for spicing it up, only a few of which involve a harness, two latex bodysuits, and waking up to find a pine cone lodged in your colon. Continue reading

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: THE MAN WHO LOVED (LOOKING AT OTHER) WOMEN

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Get your boyfriend to stop looking at other women? Why don’t you shoot for something a little easier? Like getting him to stop sprouting wings and fighting alongside the X-Men every weekend to keep our world safe from alien invaders and Clancy Brothers cover bands? Continue reading