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Sex Advice

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: MY GIRLFRIEND’S HOT FRIEND

Posted on May 16, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

She thinks that every time you have sex, you’ll be imagining the best friend, and not her, dangling from the trapeze you’ve conveniently installed above your bed. Continue reading →

Leave a comment | Email | Tags: best friend, girlfriend, hot friend, Ken and Ariel, Sex Advice, Sex Advice from English Majors, threesome

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: THE TROUBLE WITH ROOMMATES

Posted on May 9, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

Although another option would be working the jealousy angle by getting pictures of you sitting on the chest and/or face of some other passed-out dude. And as I happen to spend most of my spare time passed out, I’d be happy to offer any assistance you might need. Continue reading →

Lust

SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: HOW TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

Posted on April 25, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

Assuming this guy is of a similar age to you (and not one of those forty-something grad students who wants to chat you up about the new Vampire Weekend CD while fumbling with a chloroform-soaked rag), then he probably thinks about screwing 23 hours a day, with the remaining hour dedicated to daydreams about killer robots, football, and getting a blowjob in a spaceship. Continue reading →

Comments Off | Email | Tags: Anne Hathaway, blowjob, booty call, Boston Dating, college sex, dating, drinkee-drink, genie, hooking up, Ken and Ariel, relationships, sex, Sex Advice, Sex Advice from English Majors, spaceship, three wishes, Vampire Weekend

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: TIE ME UP, TIE ME DOWN

Posted on April 11, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

Now for my concern: How well do you know this woman? I only ask because when you’re hog-tied and strapped to an old radiator with your a$$ in the air and a ball gag in your mouth, you’re gonna want to trust her. Continue reading →

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: ARE WE SCREWING OR MAKING LOVE?

Posted on April 4, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

If I ask a woman to sit on my face while wearing pajama jeans for a half-hour while I stroke myself, you can rest assured that before night’s end, we’ll be f—ing. On the other hand, if I show up at her apartment wearing ass-less chaps and a top hat and monocle, we’ll be making love. Continue reading →

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: NEVER RUB ANOTHER MAN’S RHUBARB

Posted on March 28, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

The first rule of Fight Club is that you don’t talk about Fight Club and the second, third, and fourth rules are that you never, ever put your hands, mouth or checkbook anywhere near a buddy’s girlfriend.
Continue reading →

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: ADDICTED TO HER VIBRATOR

Posted on March 21, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

KEN and ARIEL are unemployed bloggers with degrees in English Lit. Naturally, they dispense sex and relationship advice. Continue reading →

Lust

SAVAGE LOVE: QUEER GOGGLES

Posted on February 28, 2013 by DAN SAVAGE

So back to your panty-chasing friend, CLOD. I’m pretty sure the reason you’ve never seen him “act this way when sober” is because booze provides him with the courage he needs before he picks up “Kevin Garnett in a wig” and the alibi he needs after. Continue reading →

1 Comment | Email | Tags: advice, birth control, crossdressers, Dan Savage, Drag Queens, Issue 15.9, IUD, kevin garnett, Savage Love, Sex Advice, Transgender, virgin

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: ADDICTED TO (SELF) LOVE

Posted on February 28, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

If God didn’t want us to wank, he would have given us flippers instead of hands that conveniently reach our junk. Why the f-ck do you think Shamu is so goddam miserable? Continue reading →

1 Comment | Email | Tags: Ass Parade, Boston Dating, cancer sucks, dating, Ken and Ariel, Louis CK, love, Masturbation, Mayor of Faptonia, Monty Python, relationships, sex, Sex Advice, Sex Advice from English Majors, shamu, whales can't fap

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YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS: STOP EYE-CLIMBING MY MOUNTAINS

Posted on February 20, 2013 by JILLY GAGNON

You’ve Got Problems: A color that looks good on everyone. Continue reading →

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SEX ADVICE FROM ENGLISH MAJORS: DATING THE GUY WHO CRIES

Posted on February 7, 2013 by KEN AND ARIEL

My first question would be, is he somehow in pain? Are you unknowingly sitting on his balls (in a not-so-good way)? Continue reading →

Lust

SAVAGE LOVE: THE CUCK IS HALF EMPTY

Posted on February 7, 2013 by DAN SAVAGE

It’s possible that she figured she was free to break the rules because betrayal turned you on. Now she knows that betrayal turns you on as a fantasy and not a reality. Continue reading →