AL-FRESCOHOLIC

ILLUSTRATIONS BY SCOTT MURRY @HOTDOGTACO

Some frozen treats to dine on in the park without the risk of getting arrested, fined, or judged by society.

It’s summer: The sun, it shines. The wind comes in breezes, not gusts. “Sleet” and “freezing rain” are curse words. And the drinks! We’re all turning in our winter Stouts for buoyant cocktails with paper umbrellas and enough fruit for Robinson Crusoe and his family to live off of for a week.

Unfortunately, there comes a time when we all must choose between our fruity libations and the nice weather, to either brave the Commons with a brown bag and a forty or to sit in the darkened depths of a lonely bar (the deck, of course, is at capacity).

But fear not! Here are some frozen treats to dine on in the park without the risk of getting arrested, fined, or judged by society.

10-Second Mojito Popsicles Recipe
Makes 6 Popsicles

Ingredients:
3 oz. white rum
3 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice
3 oz. simple syrup
1 1/2 cups lemon lime soda
10 fresh mint leaves, torn into small pieces
A small handful of frozen blackberries.

Method:
Make yourself a mojito. Sip.
Combine all ingredients in blender and mix.
Pour mixture into Popsicle molds.*

Add Popsicle sticks and freeze for eight hours.*
*If you don’t have popsicle molds, leave the soda out of the mixture and pour the rest into an ice cube mold. When you’re ready to serve, plunk a couple of those bad boys in some Sprite and enjoy.

Red Wine Granita
Makes 4 servings

Ingredients:
1/3 cup simple syrup
1 1/4 cups red wine
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
Juice of 1 orange
Brown sugar to sprinkle on top (optional)

Method:
For starters, 1 ¼ cups of red wine is obviously not enough to make four servings. Double it.
Mix all this shit together in a 9×13 metal or glass baking pan.
Temporarily remove some of the vodka bottles from your freezer to make room for the pan.
Freeze for 4-6 hours, tickling the mixture with a fork every so often for a less flakey texture. Either way, what you’ll end up with will look like a grape Sno-Cone.
Drink whatever is left in the bottle and enjoy!

Whisky Ice Cream
Optionally vegan, sans ice cream maker

Ingredients:
4 egg yolks (or equivalent amount egg replacer)
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
2 cups heavy cream (or Soyatoo Organic Topping Cream)
2 cups whole milk (or FULL FAT milk substitute)
3 to 4 shots Scotch Whisky (Who are we kidding? Make it 5.)
½ cup Kosher salt
ice

Directions:
Beat egg yolks, sugar, and vanilla until combined. Set aside.
In a sauce pan, add 1 ½ cups of the milk to the heavy cream. Bring to a simmer.
Using a spoon, temper the warm milk/cream into the egg mixture to avoid cooking the eggs. When the ratio is 1:1 egg mixture to milk/cream, pour the whole thing back into the sauce pan. Cook on low to medium heat for about 10 minutes to thicken the mixture.
Remove from heat and add the last ½ cup of milk to cool the mixture.
Add the whisky and refrigerate, preferably overnight.
Take two cups of the chilled mixture and pour into a quart-sized bag.
Fill half of a gallon-sized bag with ice and mix in the salt.
Place the sealed quart-sized bag in the bag with the ice and shake for five to ten minutes.