Here in the city, drinking beer’s no big thing—just keep the beer in a glass, that glass in your hand and you’re all set. But out in the wild, drinking beer takes some serious know-how.
Fortunately, Honest Pint, a proud recipient of the self-awarded wilderness beer badge, is here to guide you through outdoor beer drinking, the DIY way.
HOW TO KEEP THE BEER COLD
You could: Dig up those cheap foam koozies you snatched for free at some beer fest, or maybe even invest in a klassy koozie, like the $30 Sküüzi, a Scandinavian Koozie Glove.
But why not: Bring a few pairs of heavy socks, stick the beer up in there, and then toss in a river. Anchor it to a rock or a small child, check back in 10 or 15 minutes, and voila, chilled beer awaits!
You could: Get all chemical about it and pick up a few blocks of frozen CO2, aka dry ice, that will make the beer go from luke warm to frozen solid in five minutes flat. Mmm beer popsicle…
But why not: Grab a canister of salt, one bag of ice, and a big pot. Throw a six-pack in the pot, cover with ice, fill with water then dump in about two cups of table salt. Stir ‘till it dissolves, wait about 20 minutes, and dig in.
You could: Waste an afternoon meandering the local sporting goods store in search of the perfect cooler, which is likely to set you back at least $30.
But why not: Get down and dirty with the beer. Search around for a cool spot in the shade—if there’s a moist patch of soil, like next to a river, that’s even better—and dig a hole large enough to fit a box of beer and lower it in there. Cover it up to the edges and wipe off your hands. While it’s not the fastest cooling method, it’s perfect for keeping it chilled all day.
HOW TO OPEN A BOTTLE
Everyone’s got a bottle opening trick these days—from the classic lighter to the ol’ eye opener—but not all are proven effective. Unlike these methods, which are guaranteed to work, or at least be moderately-to-somewhat effective.
Lighter/Random Assorted Object Technique: With one hand, wrap your fingers around the bottle, close to the edge of the cap. With the other hand, hold a lighter between your index finger and thumb and hold it up … ah screw it, just YouTube it, practice with a few of those bottles you’ve got lying around in the back of the fridge, and you’ll be all set.
Rock/Table/Tree Technique: If you want to be all fancy-pants about it, find a picnic table, hold the bottle up next to the edge, and WHAM! Top’s off. No tables in sight? Find a tree or a rock. No trees? You’re doing camping wrong.
Teeth Technique: Find the friend that would be most likely to win in a fight with a bear. Ask them to open your bottle, teeth-style.
Can technique: Bring canned beer. Crack open. Repeat.
HOW TO CLEAN UP
Bring everything that you brought with you back to civilization. Recycle and dispose properly. There is no other option.
Respect the earth, drink good beer, don’t do bath salts.
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