SMART PEOPLE ON BAD DAYS: WE ALL NEED ADVICE SOMETIMES

Normally in this column, I answer questions folks write in to me about everything from making a budget to making a go of it with a lover. But today is different.

Today, it’s my birthday.

And that means that I’m thinking, even more than usual, about what it means to be an adult in our fast-changing and often-confusing world. Please forgive my self-indulgence on this one day a year, as I celebrate by doing what I love best: thinking big, messy thoughts and begging for the chance to share them.

So to celebrate, I thought I’d share what I’ve come up with so far, as I’ve muddled through thirty-one years on the planet. My list, inspired by John Perry Barlow‘s lovely “adult principles” and this man, who brought them to my attention, is my attempt to record the way I aspire to live the rest of my (hopefully long) adult life.

Please use the comment section below to add your own suggestions for how to be the best adults we can.

1. Keep on making meaning.
2. Living a meaningful life means loving well, thinking a lot, doing good work, and seeking out chances to enact mutual aid.
3. Approach every task, large and small, and every situation, simple or complicated, with equal parts humility and pride.
4. Remember that most people, most of the time, are trying to live the most moral way we know how. And we all deserve a measure of credit for that.
5. Think critically: be open, skeptical, and honest with yourself and others.
6. Be okay with being wrong. Form opinions based on the best information you can get, and when you get better information, change your mind.
7. Cultivate a family. Creating and maintaing family is sometimes hard, but it’s one of the most important and rewarding things we can do in this life. Love others and invite mutual obligation.
8. Know that there is much in the world that is not in our control, and much that is unknowable. Remember that this is exciting and, well, kind of a relief.
9. Spend most of your time doing things you want to be remembered for, and learn from the things you do that you wish you could forget.
10. Understand your connection to others and the world around you, and remember that your life does not belong to you alone.
11. Act like the person you want to be.
12. Decide to be content. Work hard, but don’t let your aspirations call into question what you already have.
13. There are a million ways of being in the world. Find the one that works for you, and respect people who live differently –there is joy in seeing diversity and taking others the way they are.
14. Don’t be afraid of things that are difficult.
15. Accept your body. And don’t put water wings on your ankles and then try to swim.

I can’t wait to hear what you have to add. I can use all the advice I can get.

And next week, I’ll be back, a bit older if not wiser, to answer these questions, from reader AJ: Is it a wedding if it’s not really a marriage? Am I being silly for holding on to antiquated traditions? Is there any way that we could both get what we want?

MORE ADVICE AT SMARTPEOPLEONBADDAYS.COM. ALSO ON FACEBOOK.

Got a question? Or a conundrum? Or maybe you just want to complain about the modern world or my column? Email smartpeopleonbaddays (at) gmail.com! I can’t wait to hear from you.

Photo courtesy of my mom, or maybe my little sister. I can’t remember which.