HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO, WAY TO GO

What’s that old saying? Oh yeah, “It takes one dumb-ass, BROtastic mistake to ruin the integrity of a ‘professional’ publication.”

News of Boston University’s Daily Free Press April Fools’ Day “prank” has been passed around faster than, apparently, roofied appletinis at a Beta Rho Omega fraternity party.

Upon hearing about BU’s hockey players and that whole shebang in February, I was as disgusted as a vegan in a slaughterhouse, but sadly, not shocked. And then Monday not-so-Funday came.

Freep staff members apparently thought it would be…

A) Comical
B) Appropriate
C) Tension-Relieving?

…to choose the main story of their April Fools’ Day Disney-themed issue to be a raven-black-haired Snow White getting “drugged and gangbanged” by seven frat dwarves. (Available on Jezebel.)

The lede of the story, written by Princess Diana (aka former Editor-in-Chief Chelsea Diana, whose resignation was announced this morning in a letter from the Board of Directors), reads, “Seven frat dwarves were arrested last night after they allegedly drugged and gang banged a female Boston University student in an Allston Village cabin.” The piece went on to say, “The female victim, described as the ‘fairest of them all,’ reported to have been roofied after drinking an appletini at a Beta Rho Omega fraternity party, according to Captain Robert Hook of the BU Police Department.”

GANGBANGED? Really? This isn’t Lindsay Lohan hosting SNL, FreeP staff. You don’t attempt to lessen the tension around your college’s RAPE ALLEGATIONS by joking about it. Actually, you don’t attempt to lessen the tension around these allegations at all.

There should be more fucking tension around it than a half-clothed husband, his wife and his also half-clothed Side of Fries all trapped together in a broken elevator.

Possibly more haunting is their Tweet from the night before the issue: “Want a laugh? Pick up the FreeP tomorrow for our annual April Fools issue and your dreams will come true.” Now knowing what their vision of “a laugh” was, this Tweet feels as taunting and creepy as It’s Always Sunny’s McPoyle Brothers. When constructing that Tweet, exactly whose dreams did you envision coming true?

The FreeP may have issued a seemingly heart-felt apology, but the fact remains that even without all the recent allegations, attempting to make a joke about rape kinda-sorta-really fucking promotes RAPE CULTURE. You know…that little thing that BU activist group Feminist Collective (FemCo) and the Center for Gender, Sexuality, and Activism work so diligently to demolish with events such as “Take Back the Night,” which took place FOUR DAYS AGO? And here I thought we were making some progress.

*Rolls dice* Heigh-ho! Move player(s) back 1,000 spaces.