BEAN COUNTER: VOLUME 14, ISSUE 32

MBTA officials are “disappointed” that only two companies have bid on the state’s commuter rail system contract: French company Keolis and the relatively unknown Baron Wheelbarrow’s Anachronistic Transport LLC. MINUS 2

According to state health officials, a mosquito pool in Jamaica Plain has tested positive for the West Nile Virus. The Boston Public Health Commission has urged residents to remains calm, and remember that “this is a mosquito pool we’re talking about. This shit happens.” MINUS 1

Cape Cod is supplying beachgoers with a picture book that makes identifying sharks easier. Officials hope the collage will ease swimmers’ concerns about not knowing the proper nomenclature for that thing that just ate their arm. PLUS 1 

A bike was reported stolen from local alt-transit proponents Bikes Not Bombs. Police are entertaining the possibility that the burglars—in an extreme case of reverse-psychology—were in fact looking for explosives. MINUS 1 BIKE THAT’S NOT A PIPEBOMB

A Portsmouth, New Hampshire man will remain in jail after setting fire to a nuclear-powered submarine in Maine. Law enforcement in the two states have “pretty much admitted” that “this is why we can’t have nice things.” MINUS 2

THIS WEEK’S TOTAL: MINUS 5
LAST WEEK’S TOTAL: PLUS 2