BEAN COUNTER: VOLUME 14, ISSUE 41

A dead finback whale was found early Sunday morning floating in Boston Harbor. Official attempts to insist the creature was “only sleeping … in red jam” are, reportedly, “just making things worse.” MINUS 2

MIT researchers have created a vest that inflates and “hugs” wearers when they receive a “like” on Facebook. In completely unrelated news: data from MIT researchers suggests that MIT researchers are so very, very lonely. EVEN

Mayor Menino has come out in favor of resurrecting an old city law requiring pit bulls to be muzzled in public. Upon hearing that the state has enacted a new ban on just such laws, the mayor totally freaked out and bit this poor girl. PLUS 1

Rob Wilson, of Boston, has been chosen as the first ever male model on popular daytime game show “The Price Is Right.” Said one under-bidding asshole: “So that’s, like, pretty much it for gender equality,” adding “one dollar, Drew.” PLUS 2

Paul Butler, a retired physician and school board member in Dover, New Hampshire, has suggested banning high school football due to the risk of serious concussions. Fellow board members have, in response, suggested banning Paul Butler due to the risk of serious concussions. MINUS 1

THIS WEEK’S TOTAL: EVEN

LAST WEEK’S TOTAL: PLUS 2