DEAR READER: I STILL HAVE TROUBLE SPELLING APOLCALYPSE

Next week’s the big day: “It’s the end of the world.” Forget the fact that you’ve been saying that for years now. This is it. It’s really the end.

EVERYBODY FREAK OUT.

I walked outside this morning, stared at the muddy puke that is my driveway, got into my car, tracked some of that mud onto my 30th parking ticket from the city of Boston and thought about how the universe decided to take a giant shit, and then boom: Humanity existed.

Then I thought about the beach—and how it was created over a billion years by erosion.

Now here’s a crazy idea: If this entire planet, not to mention the whole universe, was created gradually—then maybe when the world doesn’t end on the 21st, and we’re all hungover the next day after all those Doomsday parties, we can finally create a gradual change for the better. Improve things one at a time. Slow down the declination of humanity and the destruction of the environment just a lil’ bit. Dare I say it: “Be the change we want to see in the world.”

Unless we use this freak out session as a turning point for a gradual upgrade of humanity, we are totally doomed. And it’s not any man-made prediction that’s going to do it. We’ll go out Hamlet-style, and we’ve been doing it for years. Self-destruction.

Great, now I’m depressed. LOL.