REEL TALK: NINE? NEIN!

Another award season, another round of GODDAMMIT OSCARS WHAT THE LITERAL SHIT IS THIS BULLFUCK? But this isn’t the familiar story of the Oscarbation beating out the crowd favorite.

This is something much, much worse.

See, in 2009, the Academy changed its rules from allowing five nominees for Best Picture to “between 5 and 10,” to address the criticism that certain genres were criminally overlooked (but mostly to improve sagging TV ratings). The first year was a smashing success, with dark horse candidates like District 9 and A Serious Man competing against expected nominees The Hurt Locker and Avatar.

But in the years since, there have been only nine nominees, making it feel less inclusive and more like they’re specifically omitting someone,

like a wedding with an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

This year it’s another nine. You got your Lincoln, your Life of Pi, your Argo. Notably absent: Wes Anderson’s beloved Moonrise Kingdom and the divisive The Master. Yet present are the little-seen critical success Amour and the disastrous Les Miserables.

Look, Academy. Why change the rules to allow 10 nominees if you’re only going to nominate nine, while constantly leaving out my favorite one, only to pick the sort of movie that made me mad at you in the first place?

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close but no Drive? Les Mis and no Moonrise?

Don’t make me bring up old shit, like Driving Miss Daisy over Do the Right Thing.