STARRING | KRISTIN CAVALLARI, AUDRINA PATRIDGE, HEIDI MONTAG, SPENCER PRATT
STUDIO | MTV
RELEASE | 4.27.10
No one ever said that The Hills was quality television, and no one ever said it was much more than superficial trash. But in light of Heidi Montag’s recent decision to turn her breasts into embarrassingly large fat-balls, we thought we’d drive the point home one more time: The Hills is not just the most insanely fake product among the high fructose corn syrup-laced junk that is reality television; it’s the hydrochloric acid of American culture’s periodic table.
Only MTV knows how many of the show’s 3 million viewers are adolescent girls, but I’d wager it’s north of 50 percent. So now these impressionable young women are being spoon-fed the idea that in order to hold onto a partner as devoid of the ability to form a complete sentence as Spencer Pratt, they need to inflate their breasts into beach balls … not to mention Brody Jenner’s Playmate girlfriend in The Hills, Jayde Nicole, herself a 34C [Why is this public information?—Ed.].
The continually fabricated feud between the cast continues in Part 2, especially with the addition of (reasonably chested) Kristin Cavallari, formerly of Laguna Hills. She’s forced to start a "relationship" with Justin Bobby, which starts a "war" throughout this set, causing veterans everywhere to squirm. We also learn that corporate record labels now only exist to provide employment opportunities to reality stars. The other plot device here has Heidi Montag scheming to get pregnant and have a baby.
That poor, poor child.