REEL TALK: RATED BY BREAKFAST FOODS

THE MUPPETS | KIX

Like most reasonable people, I gave up after The Muppet Christmas Carol. (I was vaguely aware that Muppet Treasure Island existed and Wikipedia had to remind me about Muppets from Space.) But the story with The Muppets is that Jason Segel wasn’t just hired to write the next Muppet movie—there was no next Muppet movie before he campaigned to make it happen. Somehow, he manages to both keep the magic of the original films and make you forget that you’ve seen his penis. [PG | Wide release, Wed 11.23.11]

THE UMBRELLAS OF CHERBOURG | COFFEE AND CIGARETTES

From anti-realist (not an accepted term, but it’s true) Jacques Demy, The Umbrellas of Cherbourg is the Frenchest movie ever. Released in 1964, it tells the story of a young umbrella saleswoman who falls in love with a young man who’s drafted into the Algerian War. And get this! Technically it’s an operetta where the characters don’t speak—they sing recitativo. It’s terrific fun and a great jumping-in point to the dauntingly sophisticated world of French New Wave Cinema. [G | Museum of Fine Arts, Sun 11.27.11]

L’ASSASSIN HABITE … AU 21 | SAUERKRAUT OMELETTE

During Occupied Europe’s ban on American cinema, the Nazi-owned production company Continental Films filled that gap with Hollywood-level production value and quality writing and direction. Which is how in 1942, Henri-Georges Clouzot (perhaps best known for Diabolique),  made his directorial debut with the Nazi-funded (though strictly apolitical) comedy-thriller L’Assassin. Sound like collaboration? The post-war government thought so! Clouzot was put on trial and banned from further filmmaking, though thankfully, this was later reversed. [NR | Harvard Film Archive, Sun 11.27.11]

THE MALTESE FALCON | HUNGRY MAN SPECIAL; MORE CIGARETTES

The first adaptation of Dashiell Hammett’s novel (known these days as Dangerous Female) was in 1931, pre-code, and was barred from re-release due to its homosexual content. The second was an attempt to get around that, but it kinda sucked. Third time’s a charm. John Huston’s gritty remake is  one of the greatest films of all time, toning down the sexual overtones but stepped up everything else. I’d personally wish they’d made Bogie make out with Lorre. Sigh. Fanfic message board time. [PG | Brattle Theatre, Sat 11.26.11]

ARTHUR CHRISTMAS | BANGERS AND MASH

Non-Pixar CG movies usually suck. 3D is another way to rip moviegoers off. Modern kids’ movies are psychotic. And Christmas can go fuck itself. (Man, that felt good). Arthur Christmas, therefore, should be everything wrong with the film industry, but it pulls a fast one by being pretty damn good. Which shouldn’t be that much of a surprise once you find out that it comes from Aardman Animations, the English studio behind Wallace & Gromit. [PG | Wide release, Wed 11.23.11]