IN THE TUBES: SPARTACUS: VENGEANCE

Look at those oily, oily pecs.
They’re mesmerizing, aren’t they? You just can’t look away.

Oily pecs seem to be the #1 appeal of the new show from STARZ, Spartacus: Vengeance. As you can see from the trailer, there’s lots of blood, whooshing flames, and of course, oily pecs. Some dude’s face even gets cut off! Awesome, right?

Well, maybe.

It remains to be seen whether this new spin on the legend of Spartacus, spun up by a channel mostly concerned with rom-coms and kids’ programming, can live up to its predecessors in Hollywood. There’s a lot that’s already been done when it comes to gladiators: Gladiator, for instance. And this kind of show has already been tried, with only partial success, by HBO’s ROME.

But with less buddy-cop shenanigans and about ten times more throat-slitting and face-stomping, “Spartacus: Vengeance” is definitely going all-out, which might be its one saving grace.

Whether STARZ can pull off a fresh new take on the legend of a guy no one really knew a lot about isn’t really the question, though. The real mystery on everyone’s minds after the trailer is: Do those leather banana-hammocks chafe? And if so, is that the real reason behind the rebellion?

"As Jupiter is my witness, your evil leather-thong dynasty WILL fall!"