REEL TALK: MOVIES RATED BY BURRITOS

THE ARTIST | L’BEURRITEAUX

Since December, this anachronistic—yet perfectly timely—silent romantic comedy has been charming audiences, sweeping awards and facilitating first dates across the nation. Out of the nine Best Picture nominations, it’s also one of only three that deserve the hype. It’s funny, sweet, charming, brilliantly executed and the perfect underdog against a slate of Hollywood convention. [PG-13 | Coolidge Corner Theatre, Fri 2.10.12]

THE PRINCESS BRIDE | MLT WRAP

This year Valentine’s Day falls on Tuesday (the day before Hump Day, wink nudge), so it looks like the weekend before will have to do (if you know what we mean, wink nudge!), with The Princess Bride coming (wink nudge wink!) back to the theater. Look, let’s just cut the innuendo—if you strike out this weekend with The fucking Princess Bride in the theater near V-Day, that’s all on you, buddy. [PG | Brattle Theatre, Fri 2.10.12 & Sat 2.11.12]

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND | Q’DOBA

Everything you learned in school is a 1 percent lie, and Journey 2: The Mysterious Island proves it. Economics is not supply and demand. It’s manufacturing supply into profitability and then convincing you that you wanted it all along. Nobody demanded a sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth, but somehow you’re going to end up paying too much money to see it anyway. OCCUPY! [PG | Wide release, Fri 2.10.12]

2046 | FUTURRITO

If you do end up alone for Valentine’s Day, 2046 is down to mindfuck. A sci-fi sequel to two non-sci-fi Hong Kong romance films, it involves time travel, androids, Hong Kong self-sovereignty and decades-old love. Part of a trilogy including Days of Being Wild and In the Mood for Love, the latter of which was also nominated for the Palme d’Or, this writer enjoyed it, but I make no promises that you will. [R | Harvard Film Archive, Tue 2.14.12]

SAFE HOUSE | BEEF(CAKE) BIRRIA

Safe House stars two actors who have both been named Sexiest Man Alive. One—Denzel Washington—makes bad movies good and good movies great by gracing them with his singular presence. The other—Ryan Reynolds—makes me fear for the resale value of my comic collection because of how mercilessly he pillaged the Green Lantern’s once-vaunted legacy. Whether Denzel Effect or the Anti-Denzel Effect wins out in Safe House is anybody’s guess. [R | Wide release, Fri 2.10.12]