It’s hard to get excited over a pale, emotionless robot. But since every other viral Prometheus video has a) made us soil or pants or b) made us scratch our heads hard enough to cause scalp fires, we can’t just let this new one slide without saying anything.
Mostly because there’s a robot in it. Played by Michael Fassbender.
Yeah, we thought that might get your attention. Smexy, often villainous Fassbender is playing a soulless, robotic machine built by a gigantic faceless space-faring corporation.
This is clearly going to end well for everyone involved!
Wait. No, we take it back. This is going to end horribly.
If Fassbender’s creepy Rorscach-Test-acing android doesn’t attempt to murder someone during the first forty-five minutes of the film, we want a refund on our popcorn.
Maybe Fassbender’s “David” isn’t going to go completely Terminator on his fellow expedition members in the movie. But even if he doesn’t, we’re probably going to spend every minute he’s on-screen staring in terror. The plasticky way he portrays the character nestles somewhere comfortable and incestuous in the Uncanny Valley, and we don’t like it one damn bit.
Oh, and then there’s the bit where he wakes up in the bag full of styrofoam cubes. Kind of turns the Uncanny Valley into the Uncanny Marianas Trench.
Don’t be fooled by the faux-advertising schtick, folks. “Weyland Co.” may be able to build you a Michael Fassbender of your very own, but they’ll never be able to quell that little trill of terror in your heart whenever he smiles at you.