JILLY’S DVD CORNER OF SHAME: FAST GIRLS + LAKE PLACID: THE FINAL CHAPTER

FAST GIRLS | DVD | 2.26.13

I always get nervous when I see “if you liked X, you’ll LOVE Y!” If I liked X, why not stick with X?

You don’t know me!

Fast Girls, a track-team competition flick, hitches its wagon to Bend It Like Beckham, but Bring It On or Drum Line would also work. It takes a predictable formula (rich kid vs. “street” kid + competitive element + learning the true meaning of teamwork), and hopes it equals a big box-office take.

Fast Girls hits all the competition-movie marks. But the “if you liked X” formula lends itself to another conclusion: “you’ve already seen Y.”

LAKE PLACID: THE FINAL CHAPTER | DVD | 2.19.13

You would think after three murderous rampages, kids would stop camping near the inexplicably crocodile-infested lake.

But then you wouldn’t have Lake Placid 4, yet another goofy orgy of reptilian gore.

Though it gets off to a slow start, this movie has all the fabulous clichés. Teen romances you don’t really care about? Check. Salty Sheriff? Check. Vigilante with a troubled past? Whoa, check. That makes for perfect low-attention viewing.

Recently, SyFy originals have become self-aware, which is great news for all of us: nothing complements camp like actors, writers, and directors who get the joke.