Taking the pulse of Trump nation without leaving the car

We have an old saying around here, and it goes something like this: Remember when that asshole Don Imus called those basketball players “nappy-headed hoes,” and got in all sorts of trouble for it?

Well, as awesome as that was to see—not Bill O’Reilly getting canned awesome, but awesome nonetheless—it was also kind of silly, since Imus said things that were way worse than that on a daily basis, mostly uncontended. It just so happened that enough people who were tuned in on that particular morning heard that particular comment, and sought revenge. But really, he could have and probably should have met a similar fate during any Monday through Friday drive time in the years leading up to that controversy.

The same goes for just about every other conservative shit on radio and TV. While lefties (and decent people in general) vomit snark and punch the wall whenever Dolt 45 fires a tweet, the truth is that Trump’s sycophants and fluffers utter much more depraved nonsense minute to minute than even the President could probably muster.

But to the point: We’re getting back into the swing of writing Media Farm columns again, and as an exercise of sorts we scanned the conservative crack of the dial for a random hour while driving last week. Here’s what we learned:

• Rush Limbaugh is an extremely bitter man who can’t get an erection. You probably already thought that, but we would love for him to sue us over the incredibly small matter so that we can force the turd to pull his baby penis out in court.

• Christianity is a form of healthcare. Bet you didn’t know that.

• Speaking of healthcare, more people would be screwed under Trump’s proposed plans than have been hammered by Obamacare. Bet you didn’t know that either, since there is no possible way to back up this statement or the several dozen other ones like it that we heard over the short course of an hour.

• There is a booming cottage industry for defense attorneys who defend the George Zimmermans of the world, and these lawyers advertise like mad on right-wing airwaves with taglines like, “You have two choices if you shoot someone on your property—call us first, or call the cops first and go to prison.”

• “Even the New York Times” is covering the massive speaking fees that former President Barack Obama is collecting on the post-office talk trail. Of course they are—just like how they covered Hillary Clinton’s email server and any other number of Democratic transgressions—but in Limbaugh Land, the newspapers that most thinking folks consider outlets of record are unfairly maligned ad nauseam, which makes this sort of concession extra special.   

• From the mouth of Michael Savage: Beyonce is a “degenerate pornographic burlesque singer.” As you may have guessed, these people hate Beyonce, and apparently haven’t felt the wrath of her fans.

• This one’s from a Limbaugh caller: Apparent fumbles that “the liberals” might consider failures of the Trump administration thus far—from his clumsy handling of the “Muslim ban,” to the hiring of oddball staffers who have already been shown the door—are just examples of the Donald doing market research. As said caller noted, for no good reason in particular, anyone who regularly watched “The Apprentice” on TV should be familiar with this tactic, which is actually cunning despite its reckless appearance.

No doubt fans of conservative radio are equally familiar.